Our attachment is formed in the very first years of our lives, a time when we are too young to communicate our anxiety and as a result can experience high levels of stress. Then our adrenal gland—an organ sitting on top of our kidneys—produces the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. The heart rate increases, the blood pressure goes up, and we become alert. If that happens frequently, it is called toxic stress. Toxic because it impairs the development of a child’s brain and weakens the immune system. In embryos or at a very young age, toxic stress can even switch the expressions of genes, which can affect our health many decades later.
By simulating a Strange Situation, we can assess an attachment style already by the age of one. To do this, we let the child play with their mother for a few minutes inside a room. Then the child is left alone. The key moment is the child’s reaction when her mother returns. Securely attached children usually first hug their mother, then can calm down and eventually get back to playing. Insecurely attached children can be ambivalent and avoidant. Some can’t stop crying or refuse to continue playing.
The long-term effects of our attachment in the early years are well documented. Using the theory, researchers at Minnesota University were able to predict already at age three if a child would drop out of high school with 77% accuracy. In another study, undergraduates at Harvard were asked to assess how close they felt to their parents. Thirty-five years later, they were asked about their health. Ninety-one percent of those who said they had a rather broken relationship with their mother were also diagnosed with health issues, including coronary artery disease, hypertension, and alcoholism. For those who had reported a warm relationship, the figure for poor health diagnoses was just 45%.
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