At six years of age, Luka’s brain is for the most part developed, his character strong, and his worldview shaped. The new situation does not affect him much—he knows there still is always Mom, his safe haven. He feels securely attached. Later, he turns into a trusting and optimistic young man. His self-image is positive.
Ann, who is three, has problems coping with the new lack of attention. To Ann, her mother now acts unpredictably. She is anxious about their relationship and, as a result, becomes clingy. To get her mom’s attention, she has to raise her emotional state and scream. When her mom finally reacts with a predictable response, she herself acts ambivalently and doesn’t show her true feelings. Later in life, others think Ann is unpredictable or moody. Her self-image is less positive. Her attachment style is Anxious Ambivalent.
Two-year-old Joe spends his days with his uncle, who loves him but thinks that a good education means being strict. If little Joe shows too many emotions or is too loud, his uncle gets angry and sometimes punitive. This scares Joe. He learns that to avoid fear, he has to avoid showing his feelings—also in other situations. As an adult, he continues this strategy and has problems entering relationships. His image of himself is rather negative. His attachment style is Anxious Avoidant.
Amy, who is just one year old, gets sent to a nursery. The staff there is poorly trained, overworked, and often very stressed. Some are outright abusive. Amy therefore becomes anxious about the very people she seeks security from—a conflict that totally disorganizes her ideas about love and safety. As she experiences fear without resolution, she tries to avoid all social situations. As an adult, she thinks of herself as unworthy of love. Her self-image is very negative. Her attachment style is Anxious Disorganized.
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