Practically, you become a full-time maid—the one who earns all the money, takes care of all responsibilities, raises the children, cooks, cleans, and supports them in every project they want to accomplish. What do you get in return? Abuse. They enter this marriage with nothing but leave with everything. If you want to stay with them, you must meet all their demands. If you don’t, they’re out. Being trauma-bonded and having cognitive dissonance, you feel compelled to give in. You sell your businesses, leave your job, change locations, sell the things you love, abandon the things you have always loved to do—basically, you change yourself to please them.
I remember a man married to a narcissistic woman. She first isolated him from his family and then created a rift between him and his children. She made it seem like he was never available for the family. She left the country, made him put the house in her name, and if he wanted to be with her, he had to leave everything behind and become her slave. She was brutally using him and guilt-tripping him for being a bad father. Everyone who knew the situation could see how monstrous she was, but he believed he was at fault.
When you are stuck in such a marriage, you know something is wrong but feel it’s your fault. The narcissist’s voice keeps putting you down even in their absence. You keep trying to make it work. If you’re stuck in such a marriage, take a step back and see what others are telling you. It’s impossible for all these people to be wrong and the narcissist to be the only right person. Look at the bigger picture and see beyond your emotions. Set a deadline for yourself and be ready to leave when the time comes. The narcissist has created a dynamic where you are the giver and they are the taker. Ask yourself why there is no reciprocity. Do not settle for breadcrumbs—they are insignificant. Look at the consequences and change your perceptions. Understand how these people function and realize your marriage was a betrayal from the beginning.
Stop blaming yourself. Be compassionate towards yourself because that will help you defeat the narcissist and see them for who they are.
The Narcissist’s Initial Reaction To Your Silence or Absence
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