- Anonymous
The day the divorce was being finalized I went to the courthouse.
My about to be ex didn’t bother to appear though his lawyer did.
Judge reads over the paperwork, asks me a few questions. Announces he is finding in my favor in any disputed issues because if the ex cared about the outcome he should have appeared. BANG.
Divorce is final, see the clerk for copies of decree.
Ex’s lawyer turns to me and asks if he can buy me lunch.
- Judge: WHAT?
- Lawyer: Lunch. My treat. Least I can do.
- Courtroom is full of muffled laughter.
- Judge: Explain yourself, counselor.
- Lawyer: Your honor, this lady and I have been the route together. My client-
- Judge: This lady’s former husband. That client?
- Lawyer: Your honor, my client is a squirrel. He messed this lady about for no damn reason, kept asking for changes, kept demanding she sign off on things then failing to sign the paperwork himself, that kind of thing. He regularly failed to pay the agreed support. For that matter, he hasn’t been all that great at paying me, either. I’ve spent more time on the phone with this lady than I have with my client.
- Judge: Okay. Anything else?
- Lawyer: Your honor, my client is a squirrel and as of ten minutes ago he’s not my client anymore and he’s not her husband anymore. I feel like this lady and I have been through a lot together and before we go our separate ways I thought it might be nice to sit, eat a nice lunch and not talk about the squirrel at all.
- Judge: Out of my courtroom. Now. (Looks at me) Make him buy you the biggest steak on the menu.
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