- You are being discredited
It’s one thing to complain about someone’s action or inaction – such as mentioning that the other person didn’t keep a promise, made you wait an hour, didn’t take out the trash. It’s another thing to complain about someone else’s action or inaction – such as mentioning that the other person didn’t keep a promise, made you wait an hour, didn’t take out the trash. Another thing is to criticize someone’s character, full of examples, and viciously. These criticisms usually begin with words like “Never” or “Always”, and what follows is a litany of everything the other person considers not to have or to have. It’s not fair, never. If the other person is a role model in the relationship and you feel disparaged or demeaned most of the time, don’t rationalize the other person’s behavior by making excuses to defend him/her (by denying or changing your view of what s/he has done in order to justify it). By apologizing, you encourage the behavior and make it seem normal.
- You are mentally weakened
It is a power game, used by people who perceive the other person in the relationship as weaker or more manipulable; parents do it with their children, using the strength of their authority, just like adults trying to control another.
This person draws attention to the other person’s perceptions or views of reality by denying that something was said or done and then suggests that you made it up or misinterpreted it. This person takes advantage of what he or she knows about your level of confidence in your own perceptions, and your insecurities, and knows how to undermine you until you become mentally weakened.
- You are treated with contempt
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