Do you think someone doesn’t like you? Have you been rejected? Maybe you are in a situation of unrequited love. Don’t worry; it’s a very common situation. Find out how to deal with it here.
Unrequited love refers to those situations where a person feels romantic feelings for an individual who does not belong in that setting. Although it may not seem so, many investigations indicate that this kind of love is more common than it seems at first sight.
What is unrequited love?
Folk wisdom tells us that in every relationship there is a lover and a loved one. In unrequited love, the situation is more complicated: the other party does not love you at all. In suffering from this kind of love pain, you are when you have strong feelings for someone close to you, but the other person does not reciprocate.
Although this kind of infatuation only happens to singles, there are also cases where it can happen to a person is in a relationship. When we are with someone for many years, it is normal that we change and feel different in the bond we have. This situation is difficult because most people find it hard to express these kinds of feelings to their unwanted partners.
Why does unrequited love hurt?
When someone faces an unrequited love situation, they are likely to go through some difficult times. So much so that the pain of love is widely known by many popular sayings. Imagination and visualization are the ultimate culprits of this suffering. Seeing yourself with the person and becoming obsessed with them makes forgetting unrequited love even more difficult.
In a stage where we suffer unrequited love, the usual thing is to feel alone and without the strength to face the pain, you suffer. Think most people find unrequited love, so it is a very recurrent situation. At these times it is important to remember that you are not alone and that you may find someone to offer you a love that is reciprocated, eventually.
Why do we fall in love? The chemicals that influence love.
Sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone are more than involved in bringing us to the physical act of love, but they are not strong enough to enhance the feelings that come with it. Therefore, you can have sex without being in love and even have love without sex. When we suffer from pain because of unrequited love, the involvement of these two hormones and the others that are involved in the process of love is more than minimal. The real culprits that you feel you cannot overcome unrequited love are dopamine and oxytocin.
These two hormones have addictive qualities about us. Several studies have shown that the brains of drug addicts react to dopamine and therefore seek a new dose. In the same way, when we are in love, our brain releases dopamine. This chemical makes you feel good and gives you euphoria when you are close to the person you love. That’s why when we try to forget an unrequited love it costs so much, as the brain searches for that dose of dopamine. When the loved one denies us his or her company, we experience that the dopamine disappears, and as we yearn for more, our brain tries anything to get the solution to this loss. This is when the pain of love that we all know comes in. So much so that when not receiving that dose of dopamine, our body reacts with anguish and stress. Dopamine is not the only culprit for us to feel so much discomfort.
Another of the hormones that also take part in making it more difficult for us to overcome it is oxytocin. This appears when we create a bond with a person. When we create this relationship, we experience a sense of satisfaction and calm in its presence. So much so it is comforting for us to be close to them and this stimulates our brain to produce even more dopamine, which makes this vicious circle even worse. That is to say, the moment you discover that you like someone and you see that it is unrequited love when you try to separate or move away from this person you will feel this explosive mixture inside you. Therefore, the pain of love is so well known.
Why does rejection hurt?
Although it may seem that the chemical pain experienced with unrequited love is already quite unbearable, it is not only this kind of damage that appears in our hearts. That someone rejects us also has its psychological consequences.
What seems more than obvious is that no one wants to see himself or herself as a person who cannot be loved. Thus, when someone rejects us, we wonder why we are not fit enough for our loved one not to want to love us back. Instead, the correct attitude in this situation would be to realize that these decisions are not under our control.
But when we experience rejection, the same neurological pathways are activated physiologically as the same physical pain. The reason is basically for evolutionary causes. When we lived in prehistoric times, someone rejecting you meant that you could not survive on your own. That’s why rejection ended up causing the same pain as physical damage.
When someone rejects you, your body experiences the same reactions as if you had been physically beaten or burned. In the same way, when you are in a situation of unrequited love, this rejection acts in the same way as in prehistoric times.
How do you know if it is a requited love?
Although the most obvious solution to know if we are in front of a case of unrequited love is basically to declare yourself to the person in question, sometimes it can give us some vertigo to face one of these situations. For this reason, we will show you some signs that you can find when love is unrequited.
- Physical signs
There are some almost imperceptible behaviors when your beloved is not returned to you. Many people who have gone through it suggest that they receive certain contradictory signals of love interest from the other person. When there are contradictory gestures or attitudes, it is most likely that the other person does not want a loving relationship with you.
- Who has the initiative?
One of the simplest ways to see if you are facing a case of unrequited love is when the person in question never has the initiative to contact you. At the moment that it is only you who starts all the conversations or shows interest in love, perhaps it means that the other person does not want to start a relationship with you.
- No physical contact
Looking for an excuse to start contact with another person is always a clear sign of interest. For this reason, if you find that you are always the one with this attitude, it may indicate that you are when there is unrequited love.
- Lack of realism
In a situation of unrequited love, it is very common for the person who desires the other to have her on a pedestal. That is to say, the other person is perceived as an almost perfect being where there are almost no signs of imperfections. Most times that this situation happens, it ends up being a clear sign that it is unrequited love. This happens because when there is really a real contact of love with the other person if we can see these flaws more clearly. Falling in love is a phase where very few imperfections of the beloved are perceived.
In our life, there are loves that mark us more than others and we really do not know how to explain why person and not another that come to mind. The idealization of love or a relationship does not have to respond to reasons it has been the longest love, the person who has treated you best, or the one with whom you have shared more interests.
If you are the one who is always trying to get to know the other person better, but they are not interested in your life, perhaps you are facing a case of unrequited love. Getting to know the other person is one of the first steps that are shown when you are really interested in a person’s love.
How to overcome unrequited love?
The secret to knowing how to forget an unrequited love does not lie in seeing many love-pain phrases or listening to traditional unrequited love songs. Depressing yourself and plunging deeper into the pit of sadness is not a good method of coping with these situations. There are some methods to overcome unrequited love. Psychology will give us the keys.
Avoiding emotions is not a good technique for coping with these situations. So it is best to allow ourselves some time to grieve our rejection. Therefore, it is important to take some time to grieve the loss of this person. Still, you must face those thoughts that say there is something wrong with you or that you are not enough. There is no reason to think since not being reciprocated does not mean that you are not a valid being for others.
- Stay busy
A good way to fight unrequited love is to keep yourself busy. You can try to do things you’ve put aside for a long time to feel better about yourself. In this way, you will make the situation you have just lived through something positive in your life.
- Understand the patterns
Maybe it’s the first time you’ve been through this painful situation or, on the contrary, you’ve been going through this ‘bad patch’ for a while. A good way to take advantage of the pain of love you feel to improve is to investigate why this has happened. Maybe you don’t feel confident or you have some things to work out psychologically. It is a good time to evolve in this direction.
- Invest in yourself
When you have experienced unrequited love, it is likely that you have invested a lot of energy in the other person. So now is a good time to reinvest the energy in yourself. Whether it is taking care of yourself, doing your favorite hobbies, or doing that project you have so much in mind, now is the most ideal time.
When to seek help?
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