Today, we’re diving into an intriguing topic: how to make the narcissist miss you. This isn’t a subject I usually focus on because my core philosophy is, “Who cares how the narcissist feels? It’s all about you—moving forward, moving on, and caring for yourself.” That remains my message. However, I frequently receive messages from people who feel trapped, repeatedly drawn back into toxic relationships where they end up feeling discarded, unappreciated, and worthless.
It’s understandable. After giving so much of yourself—only to be treated as if you never mattered—it’s no surprise that your self-esteem and confidence can take a serious hit. If this is your situation, where you find yourself sucked back into a narcissistic relationship over and over again, it’s time to take a new approach. Whether the relationship is romantic or involves a family member, a parent, or even a friend, the same principles apply.
Today, I’ll share five key strategies to make the narcissist miss you. Keep in mind that narcissists don’t miss their victims in the way normal people do after a breakup. Their version of “missing” is rooted in a loss of control and their inability to feed off your emotional reactions. Let’s explore what you can do to shift the dynamic.
1. Exercise Emotional Discipline
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
When the discard happens—and trust me, you’ll see the signs—you need to do what you’ve never done before: practice emotional discipline. Let the narcissist have the last word. Don’t defend yourself, don’t defend the relationship, and most importantly, don’t argue or explain your feelings. Instead, simply agree with them.
For example, the narcissist might say, “Every time I let you back into my life, you ruin everything.” Even though you’re thinking, I’ve been doing everything I can to make this work, and you’re the one ruining things, don’t say it. Let them finish their tirade, and then respond with something like, “I understand. I completely agree. I’m glad we had this conversation.”
This response will leave the narcissist puzzled. They’re expecting you to cry, beg, or fight back. Your calm agreement creates a void. They won’t know what you’re thinking or feeling, and that curiosity will gnaw at them. Narcissists thrive on provoking emotional responses because it makes them feel powerful. When you take that away, they feel a loss of control.
They might try to bait you by saying something like, “You never cared about this relationship.” Don’t fall for it. Just respond with, “You’re right. Thank you for the conversation. I wish you the best.” End of discussion.
2. Break Off All Contact
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
After that final conversation, the next step is no contact. This means blocking their phone number, deleting their contact information, unfriending and blocking them on social media—completely cutting them out of your life. Narcissists rely on emotional reactions for their narcissistic supply. By breaking contact, you’re depriving them of that fuel.
Importantly, don’t post anything on social media about the breakup. Avoid sad quotes, heartbroken posts, or vague updates hinting at emotional distress. Narcissists often monitor social media to gauge your feelings. If they see posts like that, they’ll think, Look at how much pain I’ve caused. I’m so powerful. Instead, stay silent. Your silence will make them wonder what you’re thinking and feeling, which they hate.
3. Keep Your Plans Private
Narcissists are skilled at gathering information. They might contact mutual friends or acquaintances to find out how you’re doing. To prevent this, make a list of friends you have in common and ensure you don’t discuss your relationship with them. Even your closest friends can inadvertently reveal details the narcissist can use to manipulate the situation.
For example, a mutual friend might casually say, “Oh, I heard you guys broke up. He seems really worried about you.” This is often a trap. The narcissist may have manipulated that friend to test your reaction. Keep your responses short and neutral, like, “I’m doing great, thanks for asking. How are you?” Then quickly change the subject. This conveys that you’ve moved on without giving them the satisfaction of knowing how you feel.
If you need to talk about your feelings or get support, seek out online support groups, forums, or therapy. These spaces are safer because they’re outside the narcissist’s reach.
4. Focus on Yourself
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Once you’ve cut contact, shift your energy to self-improvement and activities that bring you joy. Start something new—join a fitness class, take up painting, or participate in community events. If you’re passionate about writing, join a local group. Sign up for that 5K run you’ve been considering. The key is to stay active and engaged.
When you share updates on social media, post about your new hobbies and achievements. Avoid quotes or vague references to past relationships. Instead, let your posts reflect your happiness and growth. For example, share photos from a hiking trip or a painting you’ve completed. This creates the impression that you’re thriving, which will frustrate the narcissist. Nothing bothers them more than losing control over someone they thought they could manipulate.
5. Understand the Narcissist’s Perspective
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Finally, it’s crucial to understand what “missing you” means to a narcissist. Narcissists don’t reflect on their behavior or regret losing someone because of genuine love or connection. Instead, their “missing” is tied to a loss of power. They miss the control they had over your emotions and the ability to provoke reactions.
When they see you moving forward, living your best life, and becoming emotionally untouchable, it unsettles them. However, this doesn’t mean they’ll change. A narcissist’s response to “missing you” is often to try to lure you back into the cycle of love-bombing and discarding. Recognize this for what it is: another attempt to regain control.
Final Thoughts
These five steps—practicing emotional discipline, breaking contact, keeping your plans private, focusing on yourself, and understanding the narcissist’s mindset—are not just about making them miss you. They’re about empowering yourself. If the idea of “getting back at them” motivates you to take these steps, that’s fine. But the truth is, these actions are for your healing and growth.
By cutting off their control and focusing on your well-being, you’re reclaiming your power. And yes, the narcissist will hate losing that power, but more importantly, you’ll finally be free to thrive.
Sharing is caring!