As you invest in your primary relationships, there are certain basics you’ll want to maintain to ensure the relationship brings the deepest level of reward. A healthy relationship should bring out the best in you and inspire those around you to become their best selves. Among the key characteristics of such relationships are openness, mutual curiosity, and accountability.
OPENNESS, MUTUAL CURIOSITY, ACCOUNTABILITY
It’s essential to foster a sense of teamwork in your relationships. This means saying, “I want to share who I am with you, and I want to know who you are,” so you can combine resources, encourage each other, and grow together as time passes. That’s how healthy relationships work.
Now, let’s consider what happens when a narcissist enters the mix. Narcissists disrupt these healthy dynamics. NARCISSISTS DON’T WANT TEAMWORK. Instead, they want you to join their team—but on their terms. To them, that means being subordinate. Narcissists construct narratives in which they are the hero, the winner, and the one who knows best. They lack honesty and resist being part of the group; instead, they position themselves as above it.
Self-revelation is uncomfortable for narcissists. They are calculated, constantly angling for their advantage. As a result, there are certain truths and vulnerabilities they will not access within themselves. Below are eight questions narcissists cannot answer because doing so would require a level of honesty they don’t possess.
1. What are some of your deepest hurts?
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If you ask a narcissist this, they might dismiss the question as stupid or irrelevant. At times, they may blame others for perceived slights but quickly follow up with, “That doesn’t bother me; it’s their problem.” Admitting hurt would make them appear weak—something they avoid at all costs. They fail to understand that their caustic behavior often stems from unresolved pain.
2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws and mistakes?
When a narcissist makes a mistake, they rarely take responsibility. Instead, they deflect blame onto others. Admitting flaws feels threatening because it implies they are regular people. Narcissists work hard to maintain an idealized image of perfection.
3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
Narcissists are drawn to strangers because they represent a blank slate—a chance to create a fabricated narrative of success and charm. This behavior stems from their desire for admiration, even if it’s based on superficial or false impressions.
4. Why do my differences threaten you?
Differences challenge the narcissist’s worldview and their need for control. Their lack of empathy prevents them from valuing perspectives other than their own. To them, differences imply they’re not the center of the universe—a notion they strongly reject.
5. Do you honestly believe your opinions cancel out the validity of others’?
Narcissists often view their opinions as the only ones that matter. They dismiss differing viewpoints, whether on major topics like politics or minor preferences like vacation plans, believing only their perspective holds value.
6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?
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To a narcissist, admitting the need for growth is tantamount to admitting imperfection. Their fear of vulnerability makes self-improvement an uncomfortable topic, as it threatens the tightly controlled image they present to the world.
7. If I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?
Narcissists often criticize and belittle others, yet they continue to engage with those they demean. This behavior feeds their sense of superiority and provides emotional “supply” through conflict and control.
8. Why do you go silent?
The silent treatment is a common narcissistic tactic. By withdrawing, they express passive-aggressive anger while avoiding vulnerability. This behavior underscores their fear and inability to engage in open, honest communication.
In healthy relationships, admitting weaknesses is a strength. Narcissists, however, cannot embrace this principle. They resist openness and authenticity, which are essential for deep connections. Recognizing these patterns helps you avoid wasting emotional energy on people incapable of true engagement. Instead, seek relationships that value openness, mutual accountability, and authenticity.
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