You’re not just dealing with a difficult person when you argue with a narcissist. You are up against a demon who is willing to stoop to any level to prove you are wrong. This is my personal experience. You are trying to communicate truthfully with a person who is led by falsity, has no values, and is entirely disconnected from integrity. It’s not a fair fight, which is why you need to equip yourself with strategies that dismantle their control, protect your peace, and, most importantly, leave them grappling with their own insecurities.
Let’s talk about four such strategies to handle a narcissist in an argument. These strategies will help you go beyond the surface and get to the core of how to truly win. So stay until the very end.
Strategy 1: Recognize the Child Within
Number one, recognize that you are dealing with a child, not an adult. This set me free. Here is the foundation for everything that I’m about to tell you: a narcissist is not emotionally mature enough to talk to you. They may have a job, a family, or a certain level of success, but inside, they are a scared, reactive, demon child.
And you know how children are—they do not argue to understand; they argue to win. It’s a sick game of power and control. They throw tantrums, twist facts, and lash out when they feel threatened.
Let’s say you are at a family gathering, and a narcissist accuses you of being selfish for not helping with something. Let’s say it’s your mother, who always wants to put you down. They never ask you for help, but they still blame you. They’re loud and dramatic, trying to pull everybody’s attention toward their narrative and pretending to be the biggest victim in the room.
What you do not have to do is drown in the flood of emotions they try to trigger in you. Do not ask why they are doing what they are doing. Just simply see it as it is, so that you will not step on their crap. You need to stay calm and connected with your body. Respond in a neutral tone.
Say something like, “I really wonder what all these people must be thinking about you. On one hand, you have a great reputation. But on the other, you’re letting it all fall apart like that?”
Bring it back to them. Make it about their ego. Make them feel exposed. Yes, I’m saying shame them, but in a very subtle way. Why? Well, if you make them aware of who they are, how they’re functioning, and how that does not match who they want to be seen as, you can trigger their instant collapse, or at least some subservience, compliance, and a positive shift in their behavior that will work for you.
In this situation, that narcissist may go silent, and you might notice them going into a deep, thought-filled state, wondering, “Oh, probably that doesn’t look good on me,” which means it does not get me the type of supply that I want. So they will shut down. I have personally tried this; it works best on covert narcissists or other types of narcissists who are super sensitive about their reputation and image.
Strategy 2: Counter with Confusion
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Number two, say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yes, I am telling you to counteract like them because this one is a game changer, and it is something most people do not think to use.
When a narcissist throws a baseless accusation at you—something completely absurd or exaggerated—you can disarm them instantly with a simple phrase: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Why is this so effective? Because narcissists thrive on creating emotional confusion. That is the key. They want you to overexplain. They want you to argue, defend yourself, or get flustered. But when you say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you counteract their manipulation. You’re not becoming like them. You force them to explain themselves, and here’s the thing: they cannot.
Let’s say you ask them for an example. They won’t give you any, and all the examples they’ll provide will be baseless. You will leave them speechless. Even if you have said or done that thing, you can still say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” just to make them think they sound stupid or ignorant.
And that is what a narcissist does not like. Let’s say that narcissist says, “Oh, you’re always trying to make me look bad in front of others.” That is an accusation. That’s what they do. You won’t say, “Oh, but you do that.” You’ll say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” because you actually do not know what they’re talking about. It is something they have made up to justify their victimhood. You can ask, “Can you give me an example?”
Now the ball is in their court, and they’re left scrambling to justify their claim. This tactic keeps you calm and forces them to face the impotence of their accusations. If they give you examples, as I said, you say, “I do not remember having said or done that in the way you explain,” and that’s the truth. You can also tell them, “You can believe whatever you want to because my experience of reality is entirely different from how you are explaining it.”
Strategy 3: Create Space and Trigger Strategically
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Number three, create space through silence and trigger them strategically. See, narcissists hate space. They hate silence. Why? Because it forces them to sit with their own emotions—something they are terrified of doing.
When you step back and create space through silence, whether it’s a pause in the conversation, physical distance, or even taking a long moment before responding, you are breaking their rhythm. You are breaking the pattern. They want it to be like a dog fight: they bark, and then you are expected to bark. But when you don’t, and you literally put that phone away, look at them with those pity eyes, you trigger their collapse once more.
When you do this, you can watch them evaporate in front of your eyes, or at least the pressure they have created on you. Let’s say they are in the middle of a tirade, accusing you of being ungrateful or unkind. They want to make you feel guilty to get the type of response they need to feel better.
Instead of jumping in to defend yourself, take a deep breath. Let them sit in the silence; count 30 breaths intentionally—this is what I use—then respond with something neutral like, “I hear you,” and a slow head nod. This not only disarms them, but also gives you control over the interaction. You’re not reacting; you are deciding how to engage.
The irony is, this often triggers them even more. But their heightened reaction only reveals their lack of control, especially over their emotions. You just have to remain grounded. You can say, “We will talk about this when you feel better,” making it all about their emotional state, putting the blame where it belongs—on them.
Strategy 4: Protect Yourself Spiritually
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Number four, the most important part: protect yourself spiritually. As I have always said, this is spiritual warfare, so you need to create spiritual boundaries. Doing so could be as simple as visualizing a shield of light around you, being inside a circle of light during the argument that deflects negativity and keeps your energy intact.
You can also use grounding techniques like deep breathing or silently repeating a mantra to stay connected. One powerful strategy that I personally use is to silently remind myself: Their chaos is not mine. I am grounded. I am whole. I am free.
By anchoring yourself in this truth, you make it impossible for the narcissist to destabilize you, no matter how hard they try. Visualize everything wrong, false, and abusive coming out of their mouth to demean you, going back to them, because energy always finds its source.
Understand that this is the trick. If you master your internal emotional state, there is no way they can ever overpower you. This is what I also do: I imagine my guardian angels and my spirit animals standing next to me, and that makes me feel less alone whenever I have to deal with a narcissist. I want you to channel that energy to cancel the narcissist’s influence.
Let that source give you the ultimate guidance on what to say. Follow your sensations and inclinations. Be fully centered in the divine will, and I assure you, you will see that narcissist either run for their life or be defeated. You have to make them feel helpless by creating unpredictability. They should not be able to get the desired responses from you. If you successfully do any of these, in isolation or in combination, I can tell you, you will have the upper hand.
Conclusion
With that, thank you so much. Let’s bring this episode to an end. Drop a comment about what else you have used to strategically deal with a narcissist in the arguments they try to trap you in. I will talk to you in the next one. Until then, as always, let the healing begin and continue.
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