How can a narcissistic monster, who is so cruel, self-centered, and manipulative, appear to transform into a sweet, doting, playful caregiver when he or she is around a baby? What happens to the demon lurking beneath their surface? Is this sudden affection genuine, or is it yet another act in the never-ending play for control and supply?
The Baby as the Ultimate Toy
For a narcissist, a baby is the ultimate toy. For them, a baby is not a person with needs, feelings, and potential. Instead, the baby is a toy they can play with. It is a blank slate for them to project onto and manipulate. The baby laughs when they make funny faces, cries when they make a noise, or looks at them with wide, trusting eyes. This immediate, unquestioning, yet innocent reaction is a goldmine for a narcissist. It is pure validation and adoration with no strings attached. That baby does not criticize, challenge, or question the narcissist. They have no defenses, no voice, or any agency. For a narcissist, this is the ultimate playground, the ultimate form of supply. The baby becomes a mirror reflecting back only what the narcissist wants to see: power, control, and admiration. A baby’s giggles, smiles, and cues may be cute to you and me, but to a narcissistic monster, they are proof that they, the narcissist, are the puppet master pulling all the strings.
Idealizing Infantilization
Number two: the narcissist idealizes infantilization, and here is why. In the narcissist’s world, the baby is the epitome of a perfect relationship. How so, and why? Because the narcissist has total control. They can shape how the baby thinks, reacts, and behaves without any resistance. This is why the narcissist’s love bombing takes on a different form in this context. Unlike their adult victims, the baby does not have past experiences to compare or question the love they are receiving. The narcissist’s exaggerated affection—be it tickling, playing, or exaggerated baby talk—isn’t about love. It’s about establishing dominance and laying the groundwork for dependence. In simple words, they do all of this to keep that baby, that child, in a very underdeveloped, very vulnerable state, so that he or she keeps coming back to them. The truth be told, it’s all about experiencing the thrill that comes from successfully grooming the child and living the fantasy of raising a slave. Everything is transactional with the narcissist. If they pour love into any relationship, even though it’s fake, they expect a thousand times that in return. This love bombing that I’m talking about is short-lived. Just like in their adult relationships, the cycle of idealization and devaluation looms. The baby’s unfiltered joy fuels the narcissist’s ego, but things take an ugly turn the moment that child develops autonomy. The narcissist feels their control slipping the minute this child says no. The idealized infant suddenly becomes the problematic child, and the mask begins to crack. That shape-shifting is devastating for a child to experience.
Control Over the Child’s Reality
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Number three: the narcissist relishes absolute control over the child’s reality. When the narcissist is the parent, they relish the unique opportunity to shape the child’s perception of the world and, of course, of themselves. This is called grooming. They feed the child narratives that serve their agenda, such as “Mommy is the only one who loves you” or “Daddy always knows what is best for you.” These messages are repeated often enough to condition the child to view the narcissist as their ultimate source of truth and security. This is how they disable the child from thinking independently. This control isn’t love; it’s indoctrination. I’m telling you the story of my childhood: even though both of my parents were narcissists, my mother used to go to great lengths to prove that she loved me more than my father did. The child’s trust is a currency the narcissist spends liberally. Babies and young children cannot discern manipulation or lies. They believe what their parents tell them. A narcissistic parent exploits this innocence, bending the child’s perception to fit their twisted narrative. Unfortunately, they rob them of their innocence. Such children never get to live their childhood worry-free. They’re always anxious because the narcissist builds him or herself up as the hero while subtly alienating the child from other sources of support, such as the other parent or the child’s friends—basically anyone who can help the child understand that their parent is a narcissist or that what they’re going through is called emotional abuse. Through this isolation, the groundwork is laid for future triangulation, where the narcissist will pit the child against anyone who challenges their control. We’re talking about a classic narcissistic mother-son duo, and the daughter-in-law who comes into the family is seen as an enemy.
The Facade of a Caring Parent
Number four: the narcissist is sweet because they want to be seen as a caring parent. They play the role of the doting parent or grandparent. Why? To garner praise and attention from others. They’ll be kind, compassionate, cool, and supportive when someone is watching. When people’s eyes are on them, but behind closed doors, their true nature eventually reveals itself. And you know what that is. That sweetness is also a way to secure loyalty from the child. By showering the baby with affection, they create a bond that makes it harder for the child to recognize the narcissist’s abuse later on. It’s a long-term investment in control disguised as love. Would you believe it took me 23 years to recognize who my mother actually was? A covert narcissist. She had it all covered. But then God had other plans for me.
Conclusion
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
For those who have experienced this dynamic, it is essential to recognize the narcissist’s behavior for what it is. I always say, see the narcissist for who they are, not who they pretend to be. You need to see manipulation as manipulation, not love. The narcissist’s affection is conditional; their sweetness is strategic, and their control is calculated. Understanding these truths is the first step to breaking free from their influence and protecting yourself—and possibly your children—from further harm. Babies and children are not toys, but narcissists treat them as such. They’re not sources of supply or pawns in a narcissist’s game. They deserve unconditional love, support, and care—things a narcissist is fundamentally incapable of providing.
Sharing is caring!