Narcissists are experts at creating emotional chaos, and if you’re an empath or a people pleaser, you might mistake that chaos for passion. One day, they shower you with love, making you feel like the center of their world; the next, they withdraw, criticize, or create conflict, leaving you desperate to win back their affection. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, explains that unpredictable affection triggers the brain’s dopamine system—the same reward system activated in addiction. This is why leaving feels so hard; your nervous system is wired to chase the next good moment, even if it never lasts. This cycle, known as trauma bonding, tricks you into believing that the pain is proof of a deep connection. But real love isn’t a game of emotional survival; it’s steady, safe, and doesn’t leave you questioning your worth. If you’ve ever felt like narcissists are drawn to you, it’s not because you’re weak, but because you have something they want. Your kindness, empathy, and willingness to give make you a target, but they don’t have to make you a victim. The key is recognizing the patterns, setting boundaries, and reminding yourself that real love doesn’t come with manipulation or constant sacrifice. So the next time a narcissist comes knocking, remember: you’re not here to be their supply. You deserve relationships where you’re valued, not drained.
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