Why Narcissists Are OBSESSED With Empaths! (The Shocking Truth!)

If you consider yourself a people pleaser, you thrive on making others happy, and a narcissist sees that as the perfect way to control you. They give just enough approval—a rare compliment and a little affection or kindness—to make you think you’re finally getting through to them. However, just when you start to feel secure, they pull it away, leaving you scrambling to win it back. Dr. Harriet Breaker, author of The Disease to Please, explains that people pleasers are conditioned to seek external validation, making them easy targets for manipulation. When approval feels like a rare prize instead of a normal part of a healthy relationship, you keep trying harder, never realizing that the game is rigged. This push-and-pull dynamic is no accident; it’s psychological conditioning. B.F. Skinner, a famous psychologist, discovered that intermittent reinforcement—rewards given at unpredictable times—is one of the strongest ways to create addiction. It’s the same reason people get hooked on slot machines: you never know when the next win is coming, so you keep playing. Narcissists use the same trick by keeping their affection unpredictable to keep you chasing it. But the truth is, you’re not earning their approval; they’re just using it as bait. The real win isn’t trying harder; it’s walking away and knowing you never needed their validation in the first place.