Why Narcissistic Abuse Victims Avoid Cleaning and Tidying Up

Having too much stuff around can make your mind feel just as cluttered. For victims of narcissistic abuse, all those belongings can create a mental block that makes cleaning overwhelming. As tidying expert Marie Kondo says, “The objective of cleaning is not just to clean but to feel happiness living within that environment.” But when you’re overwhelmed, that happiness can feel as elusive as a matching sock in a pile of laundry. To make it easier, start small—clear out a drawer or a shelf. As you organize your space, you might find it helps clear your mind too.

Number five: Emotional triggers

For victims of narcissistic abuse, certain belongings can act like emotional landmines, triggering memories of past trauma. Seeing a specific item might bring back feelings you’d rather avoid, making cleaning feel impossible. As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says, “The body keeps the score,” meaning those memories are stored in your body and can be triggered by certain objects. Start by focusing on items that feel safe or neutral. Little by little, you can create a space that feels comfortable without being overwhelmed by the past.