I wound up in relationships with people that reflected back to me what i wasn’t even giving myself. i wound up with people that didn’t whether they were friends or different family members or even work relationships. With people that didn’t see, hear, respect, value or love me either. And as a recovering codependent, I did what every codependent did, I strove to get it externally because as a child that’s how we learn that was part of my upbringing was, I had to get it outside of self, and so as I grew up that became the template of all of my relationships. And it wasn’t until I changed how I viewed myself. That everything, I mean everything completely changed.
So, I want to talk about some really simple ways that you can start getting this from self even if you’re still in a relationship with a narcissist. So, for example seeing, being seen and appreciated. I say this a lot to my clients that they come to me saying “I do this and I do this” and she never sees it. And I ask them do you see it? Do you ever give yourself credit for what you do?
And I’ve met some amazing men that do so much for their family and never feel appreciated, and because they’re so focused on the fact that they’re not appreciated, they don’t even see or feel good about what they’re doing because their focus is always on what they’re not getting. and when they change their focus. And they start seeing and appreciating themselves, no it doesn’t change the narcissist but it does change how they feel inside.
for example, a dad that gets up early because his wife refuses to get up early to get the kids ready for school. Rather than staring at what she’s not doing which is stealing the joy and the time he’s having with his kids. Changes the mentality to” wow I’m so glad that i have the time in the morning to be here for my kids, I’m so glad, look how happy they are, this is like a special time that i could have with them, I’m a good dad, I’m so proud of myself”
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