we all want to feel lovable and loved by the people we have relationships with. But narcissists don’t love people the way we expect love to be. Narcissists view people as things that serve them, they kind of view their significant other the same way. I love my phone in the sense that I take it everywhere I go right? And it helps me with a lot of stuff and i appreciate its existence because of what it does for me, but the second my phone breaks. I mean it’s purely conditional, my love with my phone is conditional love once it breaks. I’m gonna wind up getting another one and that’s not gonna hurt me or bother me to do that.
Unfortunately, malignant narcissists view people in that same sense. So, somebody that’s striving to feel love from somebody that’s incapable of giving it, is only setting themselves up to be hurt, to have their self-esteem eroded over and over again.
We talked about the five things that people chase we kind of explained. I’m hoping I explained why narcissists can never give that to you but now, I want to focus on how you can get it, and it may not be from the source that you’re hoping but you can get it and it will change your life.
I used to hear years ago about, your external world is always a reflection of how you feel about yourself; it’s always a reflection of your beliefs. And years ago, I didn’t really give it a lot of thought, I didn’t believe it or not believe it. It was just like something I would hear it wasn’t until I was on my own healing journey and i really looked at my life that i could literally say wow! Everything that I experienced was a reflection of how I felt about myself, I didn’t see myself, I didn’t appreciate myself, I didn’t love myself, I didn’t know what self-love was, I didn’t respect my boundaries, I didn’t even know what a boundary was, I didn’t hear myself right? Because we all have that voice inside but I would either minimize it or think that you know no I’m that could be wrong. I didn’t trust it and so what happened?
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