Despite all the complexities and dynamics within the family structure, the kind brother was devastated and unsure how to deal with this situation. He was grieving that this group of people—once his support network—had now abandoned him and turned their backs on him. Several of you may have gone through similar experiences. These scenarios can potentially inflict real harm and damage on you at your workplace or within your community and family. Narcissists typically fail to comprehend the consequences of their actions, primarily because they lack empathy. Their manipulative tactics can be highly damaging to the people they target.
When you think about the story again and contemplate if those people he lost mattered to him, the answer would be affirmative, right? And yet, he had to lose those people. Some individuals who were always fond of you were able to shake off the negative influence relatively quickly, but what was more devastating for you were those who didn’t come around and took all of the narcissistic person’s lies at face value. Please reflect on whether individuals who could turn their back on you that easily were worth keeping in the first place. I understand that it was a difficult pill to swallow, as they were people you had known for decades, but if they could be influenced so quickly by one person’s story, it does beg the question of how strong was the connective tissue in that relationship in the first place.
More importantly, why didn’t they come to you directly and express their concerns when the narcissist was damaging your reputation? It is indicative of how essential communication is and how imperative it is to approach things directly and have open conversations when someone is going around doing a hatchet job on you, spouting lies and rumors. It is vital for those around you to take a step back from these stories and have the courage to discuss things directly with you rather than taking someone else’s hearsay as gospel truth. If those you thought of as friends and family genuinely cared about your well-being, the healthy ones in your social network would have approached you directly to discuss their concerns.
Like the kind brother in the previous story, it is the individuals who have healthy relationships with you who tend to reach out first and say, “Hey, I just heard something, and it was pretty upsetting.” In the mentioned story, the one good and honest person in the kind brother’s network was the first to notice that things didn’t add up and confronted him about it. It is typically the good people in your midst who will see through the lies and deceit and approach you directly. However, having to rebuild your reputation, especially when you’re entirely innocent, can feel incredibly unfair, painful, and uncomfortable. It is a cruel and unjust state of affairs that can take a lot of effort, emotional energy, and time to overcome.
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