When a narcissist knows you’ve figured them out, what’s next? We’re about to expose the narcissist, and I’m glad you could join us again.
As a result of the vast amount of information available today, more people are realizing that their friends, parents, spouses, and others may be toxic individuals. But what should you do if you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist?
Narcissists will do anything to improve their image, no matter the cost—that’s for sure. This could include praising someone else or pretending to have a close relationship with them to elevate their perceived status. You may have also noticed that narcissists tend to exude a cold, detached aura. If you’ve ever been love-bombed, gaslighted, devalued, discarded, or hoovered, then it’s safe to say the person in question is a narcissist.
It’s difficult to accept because you don’t want to believe it at first. Are you having negative thoughts about yourself, blaming yourself, or thinking things like, “Maybe if I hadn’t done this or that…”? Stop now. They shower you with affection but mess with your mind so much that you start yearning for the person they pretended to be—the version of them you fell in love with. This person was never real.
After a while, they become incredibly addictive. When the gaslighting begins, your brain rejects the idea that this person is harming you emotionally. Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, makes you doubt yourself. You start to lose yourself in the narcissist, blame yourself for what’s happening, and remain stuck, waiting for them to return to their initial, idealized state.
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Spending extended time with a narcissist is emotionally draining. They prefer no one to see through their egocentric masks, and they work hard to prove they are superior or uniquely burdened, even though they have nothing substantial to offer. Only those closest to them can see their true nature, and even that takes time. Their closest friends and family are usually the first to notice the lies.
When you realize you’re dealing with a narcissist, a different approach is required. Continuing to interact with them will only lead to pain and disappointment. Loving a narcissist in the hope that they will change is pointless. Advocating tough love might work in some cases, but not with a narcissistic adult. Scolding or criticizing them only enrages them, worsening the situation, as narcissists cannot tolerate being told “no” or being reprimanded.
They’ll view you as the problem and quickly move on to their next victim. They may even damage your reputation in the process. This will only benefit them, not you. You need more than tough love to deal with a narcissist.
Looking back, it can be devastating to realize how much time you spent loving someone who didn’t reciprocate those feelings. When children are involved, the situation becomes even more complicated. But when everything finally makes sense, it’s time to act. Now is the time to devise a strategy to deal with or avoid the narcissist.
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It’s crucial not to reveal your plans to a narcissist. Don’t tell them you’re going no-contact, ignoring them, or turning off your emotional responses. If you must communicate your decision, wait until all necessary arrangements are in place before making any announcements.
Explaining to a narcissist why they are the way they are is pointless. Even if they recognize the term, they’ll likely dismiss you as the toxic one or claim they don’t deserve blame. Narcissists don’t care what others think of them. Revealing your hand will only give them leverage to manipulate you further.
Avoid telling them how much pain they’ve caused you. A narcissist takes pride in causing you distress—it feeds their sense of control. While they may feign sympathy, they don’t genuinely care about your feelings.
When you realize you’re dealing with a narcissist, focus on protecting yourself. Cut ties as soon as possible and prioritize your physical and mental health. Continuing to engage with a narcissist only harms you further. By shifting your focus to yourself and your well-being, you can regain control over your life.
Narcissistic relationships can last for months, years, or even decades. While it’s painful to acknowledge, recognizing the truth is the first step toward reclaiming your independence and happiness. Holding onto hope for change or avoiding the reality of the situation only prolongs your suffering. Change begins with your decision to take responsibility for your own actions and choices.
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