When a narcissist hurts you, their real goal isn’t just to cause pain; it is to watch you bleed emotionally. They want to witness your heartbreak, your desperation, and your mental collapse. That is their victory, their win. They hurt you to confirm a theory in their head that they can bring you down from way up there; that with a single action, a single word, they can own your emotions, dictate your thoughts, and rewire your behavior.
The narcissist is looking for proof that they matter more than they actually do, that their manipulation works, and that you still orbit around their existence. They want to look into your eyes and see the storm they have caused. They want to feel important by seeing how deeply they can still damage you, which is why you must act a certain way and avoid doing certain things when they attack you, to make them feel like a failure.
How exactly do you act, and what must you do when a narcissist hurts you?
You see, when you refuse to reflect a narcissist’s false power back to them, it creates a glitch in their system. They expect you to cry; they expect long paragraphs, midnight breakdowns, and shattered pieces of your self-esteem lying all over the floor. They want screenshots, blocked and unblocked phone numbers; they want your voice trembling, your eyes red, your sleep disturbed. They expect you to beg, explain, defend, and collapse. So when you show up poised, measured, and calm, it breaks something deep inside them. When you do not fall apart, it sends them spiraling. Your silence feels different; it feels like you have vanished emotionally, and they cannot find a way back in.
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