Think of the effect like a subtle but constant background noise—like a dripping faucet or a light beeping sound that doesn’t go away. At first, you can tolerate it, but over time, that subtle noise can become intolerable. The way they feel leads them to realize that the only way to silence that noise is by obtaining some form of validation from you. Usually, this validation comes from them trying to provoke a reaction—like attempting to bring you down—so that you will then seek some kind of closure or satisfaction from them. They are essentially trying to set up a round two, hoping for that validation from you.
However, this doesn’t mean they will always act straightforwardly, because they may feel nervous about how to approach you. They might realize you’ve moved on or fear that you will ignore them or won’t accept them back. As a result, they find themselves in a position where they can’t get the validation they need. This creates a cycle in which they are trapped in their own mindset.
When you don’t respond in the way they need post-discard, they fall into their own little trap where their ego takes a hit. This injury isn’t just a one-time occurrence; it’s ongoing. In a way, it’s like you possess this immense power over them, which they absolutely hate to admit. Although they might try to distract themselves with other things for a time, as long as you’re not giving them the validation they desire, they feel trapped and engulfed in turmoil.
If they manage to temporarily forget about it, that’s okay, but it doesn’t easily go away, and sometimes it never goes away at all. So yes, while narcissists might try to trap others, they ultimately end up being the ones who are trapped.
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