The attention, appreciation, and affirmation that a narcissist receives from others are frequently referred to as narcissistic supply. However, this concept also encompasses the manipulation, control, and mistreatment they employ to uphold their exaggerated sense of self-worth.
Narcissistic supply is typically divided into two categories: positive and negative. It’s important to note that not everyone provides the same quantity or type of supply. Nothing compares to a primary supply, even when a narcissist has access to multiple low-level sources. A primary supply is someone who consistently and significantly fulfills the narcissist’s needs across all dimensions.
A primary supply is often emotionally reliant, easily accessible, and may admire or idealize the narcissist. This can include a romantic partner, relative, or close friend. For any narcissist, securing a primary source of supply is the ultimate goal. Consequently, when they lose such a significant source, their emotional response is often extreme.
Today, I want to discuss how a narcissist feels and reacts when they lose a major source of narcissistic supply.
The Narcissist’s Reaction
For a narcissist, having a primary supply is a power trip—it is addictive. Once they experience this kind of attention, they become hooked. If the primary supply escapes their control or departs, it devastates the narcissist, even though they may continue to feign control or dismiss the loss.
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The first consequence of such a loss is a narcissistic injury, which is a severe blow to their fragile ego. Rage might initially surface, but feelings of humiliation and guilt often follow. This loss threatens their sense of control, superiority, and self-worth, as it signals failure or rejection. Although their shame is typically hidden from others, its impact is profound.
One of a narcissist’s greatest fears is abandonment, and losing a primary supply confirms this fear. Regardless of their treatment of you, they expect unwavering loyalty and are shocked when you leave. This triggers feelings of abandonment and a belief that your departure was unjustified.
Fear and Desperation
After the initial shock, panic sets in. The narcissist becomes desperate to replenish their supply and will say or do anything to regain control of the individual who left. Losing a primary source isn’t easily remedied; they struggle to switch to another supply immediately. Their first instinct is usually to reclaim the lost source. If this fails, they may search for a substitute, but without success, they are likely to spiral into their lowest point.
When a narcissist reaches rock bottom, they are overwhelmed by their addictions and other maladaptive behaviors.
Final Remarks
In summary, the primary supply is crucial for fulfilling the narcissist’s intense need for external validation to maintain their fragile sense of self. Without this continuous validation, they are likely to feel empty, inadequate, and emotionally unstable, which may lead them to their lowest point.
The narcissist’s reaction to losing a significant source of supply ultimately reflects a threat to their power and self-worth rather than genuine grief over the individual.
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