I’m not just talking about simple lies. A covert vulnerable narcissist will swear on their life, their children, their family—everything they have—while avoiding the truth. They would rather donate their vital organs than admit they are wrong. For example, if you remind my mother of something she said, she would often say, “You remember it wrong,” or “You don’t recall things accurately.” If that didn’t work, she would curse herself, wishing for her own destruction to regain control in a coercive way.
They know that you don’t want anything bad to happen to them, so they weaponize your beliefs against you. This creates moral confusion within you. On one hand, you know you are right; on the other, you feel guilty for questioning them. This dynamic reinforces their victimhood and keeps you in a state of obligation to serve them.
Hidden Habit Number Three: Mixed Empathy
When we talk about narcissists, we often say they lack empathy. However, covert vulnerable narcissists are masters at pretending to have it. In good times, they may seem truly empathetic, cooking for you, paying attention to your needs, and taking you to appointments. But as you grow up and they lose control, you may find that this empathy is missing, leading to cognitive dissonance.
When they become cruel, it is incomprehensible. They may give you the silent treatment, revise history, and remind you of everything they have done for you, all to corner you and maintain control. This sends mixed signals that make it difficult to break the trauma bond. You may think, “I don’t know what is wrong,” leading to internal conflict and self-blame.
Hidden Habit Number Four: Criticism in the Guise of Concern
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