So much of the information out there focuses on male narcissists and the abuse suffered by women, usually at the hands of men. However, females can have NPD as well, and the reality is that narcissistic abuse is incredibly damaging for all victims who are exposed to it—men and women alike.
Not to mention, narcissistic abusers don’t just abuse their partners or spouses; they are also abusive toward their children, co-workers, siblings, grandchildren, etc. These individuals do not discriminate when it comes to abusing and manipulating others. They are toxic to everyone.
So today, we’re going to explore 10 typical behaviors of the female narcissist.
When examining any type of narcissist, we will always find the same core toxic traits. They exhibit an addiction to feeling special, unique, or superior and lack empathy. They feel entitled and are exploitative—what Dr. Craig Malkin refers to as the “three E’s” in his book Rethinking Narcissism. These are the primary traits all narcissists have in common, and they are the ones you should be looking out for.
The female narcissist definitely exhibits these three E’s. And, of course, the name of the game is always to obtain narcissistic supply.
So, what are some of the most common and toxic traits to watch out for in a female narcissist? Here are my top 10 most noticeable traits and behaviors:
1. She is extremely competitive.
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Female narcissists tend to want to be the center of attention, just like most narcissists. They use people as narcissistic supply, needing them to act as a mirror that reflects their perceived perfection and superiority.
The female narcissist wants to be the best at everything. Whatever quality she views as most important—whether beauty, money, or intellect—she will want that to be reserved exclusively for her.
This competitiveness isn’t just limited to her friends or co-workers. She can feel an intense rivalry with her own children, siblings, neighbors, stepchildren, or daughters-in-law. Female narcissists are inherently jealous of others, which triggers their deep-seated feelings of inferiority and drives them to become intensely competitive.
2. She is obsessed with appearance.
The female narcissist is not only obsessed with her own appearance but also fixates on the appearance of her family members, friends, co-workers, and even grandchildren.
Her focus on superficiality means she has little genuine interest in qualities that truly matter, such as character and values—unless she can use them to maintain a certain image. For example, if she attends church, it is likely for appearances rather than genuine faith. She always wants to be seen in the right places with the right people.
3. She is extremely jealous and assumes everyone is jealous of her.
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All narcissists are envious, even though they often project an image of confidence or even arrogance. Underneath it all, they harbor deep insecurities.
The female narcissist enjoys gossiping with her social circle, talking behind people’s backs, and reinforcing her sense of superiority. Because she is so two-faced and envious, she assumes others must also be jealous of her. This feeds her ego and reinforces her belief in her own importance.
4. She is overly sensitive to criticism.
Since the female narcissist’s self-image is built on the illusion of superiority, any form of criticism—even if constructive—will cause her to react with extreme defensiveness.
She takes even the slightest critique as a personal attack, leading to what is known as a “narcissistic injury.” She cannot tolerate any information that contradicts her belief that she is perfect.
5. She uses her sexuality as a tool.
While male narcissists often use their money, assets, or career status to manipulate others, female narcissists tend to use their sexuality.
They frequently dress provocatively, flirt inappropriately, and flaunt their physical attributes to gain attention and control. It is also common for them to have affairs with their partner’s friends or family members.
6. She manipulates through punishment.
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When the female narcissist doesn’t get her way, she has several tactics to ensure compliance.
Rather than outright aggression, she often uses silent treatment, withholding affection or sex, or neglecting loved ones to punish them. These subtle but effective tactics keep her victims walking on eggshells.
7. She disregards boundaries.
Female narcissists do not respect personal boundaries.
They assume they are always welcome, that their opinions are always needed, and that other people’s belongings are available to them. They do not acknowledge personal space and often take advantage of others. If confronted about this behavior, they either ignore it, deny it, or shift the blame.
8. She is materialistic.
Female narcissists love money and material possessions. They surround themselves with wealthy individuals to manipulate them into spending on them.
Their obsession with material things reinforces their belief that they are superior, and they flaunt their wealth to provoke envy in others.
9. She thrives on drama.
Because narcissists lack depth, they seek excitement through chaos and drama.
They exaggerate stories, embellish past experiences, and make everything about themselves. Whether playing the victim or the hero, they ensure they are always the center of attention.
10. She pits people against each other.
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Female narcissists are experts at triangulation.
They create conflicts between family members, friends, and co-workers by spreading lies or twisting the truth. If you are in a relationship with a female narcissist, you have likely experienced her attempting to make you jealous by comparing you to exes, colleagues, or even your own relatives.
Narcissistic mothers are particularly notorious for creating rivalries between siblings, ensuring ongoing tension and discord in the family.
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