This Is Why The Narcissist Leads to Hoarding (No One Talks About THIS!)

7. Confusing Stuff with Stability
Narcissistic abuse is like living in an emotional earthquake. One moment, everything seems fine, and the next, your world is shaking. Maybe you never knew when the narcissist would explode, when love would turn into cruelty, or when stability would be ripped away. Dr. Judith Herman, author of “Trauma and Recovery,” explains that people who experience long-term emotional chaos often develop coping mechanisms to create a false sense of security. Hoarding is one of those coping mechanisms. Keeping things, whether it’s stacks of papers, unused clothes, or random household items, feels like building a fortress against unpredictability.

If you have things, then at least something in your life stays the same. Dr. Mary Lamia, a clinical psychologist, explains that people often confuse accumulation with stability because their brains are still wired for survival. But here’s the truth: no amount of stuff can truly replace the sense of safety that was taken from you. Healing begins when you trust yourself, set boundaries, and create a space where you decide what stays and what goes. Stability isn’t about what you own; it’s about knowing that no matter what, you are in control now.

Letting go of unnecessary items isn’t just about cleaning up; it’s also about healing. For narcissistic abuse survivors, hoarding isn’t random; it’s a way to hold on to a sense of safety and control after years of being stripped of both. But real security doesn’t come from objects; it comes from rebuilding self-trust and knowing you don’t need permission to exist. As Dr. Judith Herman explains, true healing happens when survivors reclaim their power and rewrite their own stories.

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