Today, we’re going to examine what happens to one’s body and mind after experiencing narcissistic abuse. Stay tuned. Being abused at the hands of a narcissist is a singular and isolating experience—even though only a few people may relate, it’s because very few have ever encountered such behavior. People then begin asking questions like, “Why did you stay so long? What gave you such a blind spot that you failed to anticipate this?” and other similar inquiries. These questions are painfully isolating because they diminish your experience in the aftermath of trauma. You constantly interrogate yourself: “Am I being overly dramatic? Am I building a mountain out of a molehill? Have I gone mad?” No, you haven’t—trust me. Moreover, I will explain exactly why this happens.
I’m going to discuss five telltale indicators that your relationship with a narcissist is abusive. To get started, please hit the subscribe button and the bell icon to support this channel’s content. Your subscription not only supports us but also ensures you never miss an update. All right, let’s begin.
1. A Fundamental Misunderstanding of Their True Nature
You must understand that a narcissist will dramatically alter their behavior toward you over the course of your relationship. Initially, they may seem kind and caring, but as time goes on and their power grows, their true colors emerge—a monster you never knew existed. Their strength builds from a foundation of early kindness and compassion. However, this benevolent façade does not last long; the “nice guy” soon reemerges so that you never drift away completely. They are always shifting their stance and never reveal their true nature. This inconsistency makes it difficult for you to understand your own feelings. In a healthy relationship, a person’s character remains consistent—there is no inexplicable shift between a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona. With a narcissist, however, you never know what to expect. It’s perplexing how someone can be so cold and vicious one minute and then kind and almost heavenly the next. You may find yourself questioning their motives: if they are truly a narcissist, why did they sometimes do good? This kind of probing never occurs in a happy relationship. Do you have a clear grasp of who they are? Please help other survivors feel less alone by sharing your thoughts in the comments below.
2. Being Emotionally Stuck Despite Knowing You Should Leave
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Even though you know you should walk away, you remain emotionally entangled with the narcissist. This is because their constantly shifting behavior triggers a physiological reaction in your body and brain, making you crave their company. You may intellectually understand that being with this person is detrimental to your health, yet your neurological system craves the meaningful connection you once experienced. You felt something for them at the very beginning, and even though you might prefer solitude, you still long to be with them. Normal relationships don’t work like this—it hurts, but if you truly don’t want to be with someone, you must leave. In contrast, being with a narcissist can make you feel imprisoned; even when you know you must move on, part of you clings to what is now hopeless. You have faith that you won’t be able to let go, and I only wish they could see the catastrophic error they are making. No matter how many times you try or how long you wait, things actually seem to worsen.
3. Overwhelming Emotional Anguish and Grief
The grief you experience after narcissistic abuse is more complicated because you are mourning both the loss of reality and a fantasy. You feel heartbroken because your dreams of a brighter future with this individual have been dashed. You feel miserable because you sacrificed so much—your time, love, work, money, and even your children—to be with them. Now, you see how easily you were controlled and deceived. This profound melancholy largely stems from the emotional agony of having been misled. The love bombing turned out to be in vain, and they ultimately betrayed you at the worst possible time. They convinced you that your viewpoint was the correct one, only to abandon you when you needed support most. No healthy relationship would involve such manipulation. While you are sad, remember that you won’t die from it; healing from the wounds of narcissistic betrayal is slow and arduous, composed of a myriad of emotions that make up your grief.
4. Shock and Disbelief at the Depth of Deceit
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You are left in total shock, unable to believe how awful people can be until you witness it yourself. You have been conned, stolen from, and tricked into believing that a beautiful falsehood was reality. They were supposed to give you sweet dreams, but all you got were nightmares. Their initial charm threw you for a loop, turning your world upside down by revealing a dark, nasty side. The idea that someone could undergo such a radical transformation—or be nothing but deceit—is incomprehensible. Faced with such adversity, it’s natural to question your own judgment. You may start doubting your decision-making skills, wondering if you were the one who missed the obvious signs. You might even berate yourself for not ending the relationship sooner. The truth is, the narcissist’s behavior is icy, heartless, and entrapping. It’s hard to believe that there was ever any sincerity, honesty, closeness, or kinship—it was all just a game they played with your life.
5. Symptoms Indicative of Complicated PTSD and Other Health Issues
The most recent indicator is the presence of symptoms that suggest complicated PTSD, as well as other issues not typically associated with narcissistic abuse trauma. You may experience sleeplessness, a lack of appetite, a heightened startle reaction, hypervigilance, chronic exhaustion, emotional and visual flashbacks, dissociation, and trouble concentrating. Additionally, problems with memory or issues related to your body or hormones—such as IBS, Crohn’s disease, fibromyalgia, MS, or hypothyroidism—may arise. Your recovery from narcissistic abuse is further hindered by unusual symptoms specific to this type of abuse, such as cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, and Stockholm syndrome. In a normal, healthy relationship, while you might feel down, you eventually recover. In this case, though, the lingering effects are far more complex.
It is imperative that you move forward so that not a single loose end remains. Breaking up with a narcissist involves processing a lot of pain and trauma. When you are in a relationship with someone who is extremely demanding and stressful, your body and brain adapt to keep you alive, and that constant stress eventually wears you down—manifesting as new health issues. The person you were with was clearly very unhealthy if you are now experiencing both unique and common indications of trauma.
My final question for you is this: which of these signs do you most strongly identify with? Before I wrap up this episode, please share your thoughts in the comments. This is the end of today’s episode—I’ll fill you in on the next one. In the meantime, let’s focus on improving our health. See you soon.
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