Number five: “I can’t” or “I won’t”—end of story. Let it land, and let the silence that follows speak for itself. What you’re basically saying is this: there is no narcissistic supply to be had here, and I am not your beck-and-call girl or guy—whatever the case may be. The end.
Number six: “If you continue to [insert behavior], I will [insert consequence].” For example, “If you continue to raise your voice, I’ll leave.” Or, “If you continue to call me names, I’ll end the conversation.” Or, “If you continue to lie to me or about me, this relationship is over for good.” Period. End of story. The thing is, there must be crystal-clear communication and a consequence—preferably succinct crystal-clear communication with a consequence. More than anything, though, you need to be willing to back yourself and follow through. No idle threats—action! Now, the truth is they may or may not hear you, and you can’t control that. The point is to practice using that language and develop your ability to calmly communicate what you need to say with confidence. It’s important to learn to express yourself calmly, clearly, and confidently rather than reacting or saying nothing at all and allowing the narcissist to run roughshod over you. This, my friends, is boundary setting 101. With a little practice, you can get really good at this.
Number seven: “I’m busy,” or “I don’t have time.” The narcissist’s reaction will be, “What? How dare you?” one way or another. So back that up with some powerful silence, certain in your decision and the energy you carry. And what happens? Crushed. Mission accomplished.
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