The Undeniable Sign You’re Dealing with a Covert Narcissist
That’s when I realized something that changed everything: she did not want a solution; she wanted submission. The moment she accepted my help, the power dynamic would shift. I would feel confident, useful, and capable, but covert narcissists cannot let that happen at any cost. They need you confused, trying, and emotionally chasing. The moment you realize the game, they lose control.
Let me be clear: there’s nothing wrong with helping someone you love. The problem begins when helping becomes your identity, when you become a fixer and their suffering becomes their weapon. Covert narcissists use their suffering the way overt narcissists use rage—to manipulate, control, and center attention. Instead of making you afraid, they make you feel guilty, and guilt is a much more effective prison than fear. Guilt turns you into your own warden; you will police yourself, sacrifice yourself, and stay small and silent because you don’t want to abandon someone who is in pain. But the truth is, they are not in pain; they are in control.
Here’s when a covert narcissist starts glitching: when you stop giving advice, when you stop fixing, when you say something as simple as, “That sounds hard. I hope you find a way through it.” Suddenly, the energy shifts. They look confused, uncomfortable, maybe even angry because now the burden is back on them. It’s a role reversal; now they have to take responsibility, and most importantly, you are no longer hooked. You are no longer feeding the dynamic or available for emotional slavery disguised as compassion.
There’s one thing I want you to hear loud and clear: the covert narcissist trains you to abandon your own needs. You wake up thinking about their problems, and you go to sleep replaying conversations, wondering if you said the right thing. You spend your days and nights in emotional service, always trying to ease their pain, stabilize their world, or earn their appreciation. But what about your pain? What about your confusion? What about your unmet needs? They vanish because the relationship is not built on reciprocity or mutual care; it’s built on proving your worth through performance. That is not love; that is emotional slavery disguised in softness.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
