The Narcissist’s Mirror: How They Copy You, Become You, and Then Destroy You
This will begin to shift, however, because once the narcissist has extracted what they desire, the dynamic will change. Eventually, they will turn their admiration of you into contempt. The traits they once mirrored and admired will now become targets of criticism and contempt. This shift is the beginning of the devaluation phase, which is a calculated strategy to undermine your self-worth and reassert their dominance and control.
In this phase, the narcissist’s perception of you flips dramatically. Qualities they previously celebrated are now portrayed as flaws. Your confidence is labeled as arrogance; your empathy is dismissed as weakness. You need to understand that this sudden shift is not a reflection of your actions or anything you have or haven’t done. It’s a manifestation of the narcissist’s pathology and their internal insecurities and need for control. However, having said that, it can and usually will have very severe and devastating consequences for your self-esteem, self-worth, confidence, and self-image, which is exactly what the narcissist hopes to achieve.
Next, you will be subjected to immense amounts of projection and gaslighting, meaning the narcissist will actively work to distort your understanding of reality. You need to understand that this phase is the definition of psychological abuse. In this phase, narcissists often project their own flaws onto you, accusing you of behaviors and intentions that reflect their inner turmoil. These tactics are extremely confusing; they make you question your reality, which plays right into the narcissist’s plan to dominate and control you.
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