The Narcissist’s Mirror: How They Copy You, Become You, and Then Destroy You

Another reason narcissists engage in mirroring is rooted in their intense and extreme envy. Unlike typical feelings of jealousy, narcissistic envy is pathological and all-consuming. They are not just envious of your achievements or possessions; they truly desire your very essence—your authenticity, empathy, resilience, and the genuine connections you form with others. These are qualities they lack but desperately desire. This pathological envy compels them to replicate the traits they admire in you, but not as a form of flattery or connection; rather, as a means of possession and control.

They believe that by adopting your characteristics, they can attain the same admiration and success that you naturally garner. However, this imitation is superficial and completely unsustainable. Over time, their inability to authentically embody these traits leads to frustration and resentment. The very qualities they once sought to emulate become sources of contempt. They may begin to undermine, belittle, or sabotage you in an attempt to diminish your light and alleviate their own feelings of inadequacy.

As the narcissist continues to mirror and absorb your traits, you may begin to feel a loss of your own identity. Your unique qualities are being absorbed by the narcissist, leading you to feel confused and as if you have a diminished sense of self. It’s like a psychological erosion they are subjecting you to. You need to understand that this is a deliberate act to destabilize and control you.

Over time, this manipulation can lead to the development of a pseudo-identity where you unconsciously adopt the traits and behaviors the narcissist desires for you to exhibit. It’s a survival strategy that many victims adopt in order to keep the narcissist happy and hopefully maintain some peace in the home. This new identity is a way of gaining approval and avoiding conflict, but it comes at the cost of suppressing your authentic self. Unfortunately, the longer you remain in this dynamic, the more challenging it becomes to distinguish your true identity from the one the narcissist imposed on you.

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