Today’s chat, I want to talk about the dilemma of not recognizing narcissistic abuse. I strongly believe that the possibility of ending up in a narcissistic relationship after growing up with a narcissistic parent is very high, and I have always wondered why that is the case.
What he basically said—though I may be paraphrasing here—is that people tend to marry their unresolved issues. He was counseling a woman who grew up in a troubled household and went on to marry a man who was just as problematic. What I took away from that is how applicable it is to growing up with a narcissist and then marrying or being with a narcissistic partner. It can also happen that you just keep jumping from one narcissist to another. This often occurs because, in many cases, you never stop to evaluate those past relationships. You never take note of the red flags, the emotional abuse, or even realize that the original narcissist in your life was a narcissist or that something like narcissistic abuse existed. As a result, you end up leaving one narcissistic relationship and running straight into the arms of another.
That is why, whenever a relationship does not work out, or someone makes you feel bad or less than in any way, it is helpful to assess that relationship. You can do it on your own or with a counselor or therapist, especially if it was a narcissistic parent. For romantic relationships, it would help to think back to what drew you to that person, when the relationship changed, when they started mistreating you, and how they went about doing it. Also, take note of any red flags you missed.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
If we can help it, we need to avoid picking up narcissists along the way. We must clearly recognize what we were dealing with in the past. I’m not just talking about the other person and their toxicity, but also addressing anything that is lacking within ourselves. Is it a lack of self-love or self-esteem that made us put up with the previous narcissist? Did growing up with a narcissist cause you to not love yourself or appreciate your own worth? I know that was a personal struggle for me. Growing up with a narcissist who never told me they loved me and tried to destroy any solid relationships I formed outside the home truly made me run from that narcissistic environment into another.
Being love-bombed and not seeing it for what it was because I just wanted to be loved is a painful reality. Without addressing those issues that existed while growing up under a narcissist or after leaving your first narcissistic relationship or partner, you are more likely to end up with another narcissist.
We need to tidy up any unresolved issues. Recognizing the problems with that past relationship and person is crucial, but more importantly, we should address any personal issues before letting others in. No relationship is perfect, I know, but it can be a lot better when you are not dealing with a narcissist.
Sharing is caring!