When does this phase of falling in love end? Is that when we really talk about love?
Understanding the difference between mature love and not being in love is based primarily on knowing the difference between falling in love and love. We usually use the two terms interchangeably when we speak colloquially, but there is a big difference between them. It is perhaps the crush that we usually find most in romantic movies and that we identify best. This is the phase of passion, enthusiasm, and joy for another person when a relationship begins. Most of the time we don’t see the person’s flaws during this phase, on the contrary when we love, we are then aware of them and we want to continue with that person despite everything.
Falling in love
Relationships are a path. A path accompanied by another person we have had at our side. Not because we need him or her, but because we want him or her to be by our side as we walk. In the first phase of the road, we will find all the illusions and dreams of something new, that we do not know and that we really want, because it attracts our attention. We may not know why, but we are attracted by the discovery, it makes us feel good and we want it.
This beginning is marked by the idealization of that person, and we show it with passion. At this stage, we have one element – a pillar – for the success of a relationship according to Robert Sternberg’s theory of the love triangle.
The first part of the path does not last forever. There is no specific time, it can be six months and a year. But as time passes, we continue walking, and we can choose between losing the illusion for this love or continuing with it by committing ourselves. If we choose the second option, we will enter a romantic love where intimacy, passion, and commitment between the couple play a key role.
The illusion remains present, although the relationship is much more stable, and the passion is reduced to some extent to give more importance to other aspects.
Mature love is on the rest of the way. Sometimes mature love lasts a lifetime until we get old, and other times when that mature love doesn’t arrive and the relationship ends after romantic love. This would be the truest phase of the relationship. You already know each other very well and have had to build your relationship little by little so that respect and resentment don’t affect you along the way. In this way, love, loyalty, and sincerity gain a lot of power in your relationship.
To think that mature love means having a person at your side throughout your life is a mistake. It is not remaining a person because it suits us, because it helps us or because it is the father of our children. Mature love is the one we have accompanied us, not because we need it, or because it is an ornament in our life, but because we want it to continue to accompany and love us. However, you must know every road has its bumps and that it will never be like the beginning of the relationship. We are no longer in romantic love, nor are we in the phase of falling in love.
Characteristics of mature love
Admiration: To admire means to respect and value, whether it is the talents and the way of being of the person who shares his life with us.
Difficulties: Each person comes with a sentimental backpack of previous relationships and fears. These emotions involve exposure to fears of “will it happen again” with another person who we must overcome in order to strengthen the relationship.
Communication: Talking, listening to, and respecting each other’s opinions and thoughts are important to move in the same direction.
It’s not perfect: it’s not an ideal love, nor a fairy tale, but it makes you happy and that’s what matters most to you.
It doesn’t hurt you: lying or manipulation are terms that are excluded from this relationship.
What stage are you at?
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