Say THIS When a Narcissist Disrespects You

So my point is: forget showing up with your big heart and all that love that you carry. That is who you are; it’s not who they are. Forget trying to become a better communicator, more understanding, patient, tolerant, and long-suffering. Forget all of that. Forget showing up with what you would normally bring to a discussion with a reasonably sane and healthy adult. You’re not dealing with a reasonably sane and rational adult, so everything you would normally bring to that conversation isn’t actually going to work with the narcissist. What you want to do instead is the exact opposite. That’s what I mean by thinking counterintuitively.

Now, some other options to effectively communicate with a narcissist in a way that sends a very clear message: when they say something disrespectful, simply say, “Could you repeat that, please?” When they do, say, “Yeah, I thought that’s what I heard.” And then silence—no more words. Alternatively, you could say, “You know how ridiculous you sound right now, right?” and leave it at that.

One of my favorites when they feel entitled to criticize, diminish, or demean—especially by offering unsolicited advice or opinions—is to simply say, “That’s odd; I don’t remember asking for your opinion,” and maintain eye contact. Hold their gaze and let what you’ve just said land, then turn on your heel and leave. Now, obviously, this isn’t going to endear you to the narcissist, and it will probably put a target on your back, but it will also send a very clear message: I am not someone you want to mess with, period.

With all of that said, another option will be to simply go for silence right out of the gate. And I don’t mean in a passive-aggressive and highly manipulative way like a covert narcissist would. That’s not what I mean. I mean in a way that says, with absolute clarity and conviction, that I am boundaried, I am not easy prey, and I am not a good target. Your posture, the energy you carry, matters more than anything. This is about going silent in a way that communicates that you are bulletproof, unshakable, and not at all interested, affected, or phased.

What you’re shooting for here is to diffuse what would otherwise be a disagreeable and incredibly draining conversation. You’re not looking to antagonize, provoke, or make things worse. You’re looking to turn down the volume on the insanity to the best of your ability, but without acquiescing to the narcissist, and certainly without becoming a source of narcissistic supply.

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