Say THIS When a Narcissist Disrespects You
No matter how much of a performance you have to muster, you can do this. You can react, vent, and do whatever you need to do to express your very legitimate hurt, anger, and frustration later on when you’re by yourself or with a trusted friend—someone in your support system who gets it. If you want to communicate in a way that sends a very clear message to the narcissist, then this is vital: you are going to have to find a way to remain calm, cold, and completely detached, demonstrating as little emotion as possible.
Next, think counterintuitively. Forget reasoning with this person; forget being heard, understood, getting through to them, or getting your needs met. It’s not going to happen. You have to remember that when it comes to people who land on the spectrum of destructive narcissism, you’re not dealing with a reasonable, rational adult. Rather, you’re dealing with a wounded toddler in an adult body pretending to be an adult. You’re dealing with an entitled, childish ingrate who feels entitled to hurt you deeply and then blame you for the hurt they cause. You’re dealing with someone who is running their own agenda, and that agenda does not include working things out with you in a mutually beneficial and healthy way—quite the opposite, actually.
Furthermore, you’re dealing with someone who will say and do whatever it takes to provoke you, to win the right fight, to manipulate you into getting their way, to make you wrong, bad, or the issue somehow, and above all, to take the heat off themselves. They’ll also go to great lengths to manipulate the perceptions of others and to manipulate outcomes. If they’re resentful and motivated enough, they will go to any lengths necessary to seek revenge, and that’s probably the last thing you need.
The truth is, because narcissists lack a fundamental moral compass, a conscience, and empathy, they will go to lengths that you and I couldn’t even conceive of. They don’t have the same emotional response to their shocking attitudes and behavior, which is why they can often be so shocking to us. They do and say all the things; they contrive situations and circumstances, manipulate, and play games, leaving huge chunks of the truth out of the equation entirely.
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