Many commenters found out that the list was useless. Their critique was and is justified. It was reckless of me to write this without any clearer articulation. And I’m taking responsibility for it right now. I was trying to uphold some dignity at the time by not sharing my personal story. Sections of the story are included in this expanded collection.
I grew up with one narcissist and one mentally immature, empathic mom. The mixture was turbulent and explosive. My NPD parent made grand gestures towards both my mother and her children at first. Then he’d abandon us. Extreme peaks and downs, volatile responses, and shifting rules became the standard after that. Then, for a few decades, replicate the pattern.
This partnership exacerbated my mother’s narcissistic tendencies throughout time. Her NPD boyfriend coerced her into loneliness, which contributed to her depression. Partly as a result of her own unresolved trauma. And partially because she was still on the bottom end of the cognitive immaturity scale.
I’m guessing that this union was (and continues to be) a trauma relationship between those two. Regardless, as an infant and as an adult, it left me in a very perplexing situation. I went to counselling and support groups for more than ten years. I overexplained my parents’ actions to the point of fatigue. Guidance and help came in a variety of forms. Changing my communication style, controlling my goals, setting limits, and cultivating mindfulness and forgiving. I tried everything.
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