If this is happening, You Need To Go Back To Narcissist

It will hurt you. It will be really painful for you to finally see that ugly side of them. But that is the thing. That is what you want out of this. You do not have to step into denial by justifying their behavior. You do not have to go, “Oh, maybe this, maybe that.” If you do, you’ll waste this chance. That’s why I said, you have to keep still. Do not run the engines. They do not need to work. The narcissist will do the work for you.

Reexposure should be therapeutic in nature. You just have to relax and do nothing at all. Things will start shifting if you start observing their behavior. If you give yourself permission to see it right from the beginning until the very end, if you zoom out and look at it as a bigger picture, what I am sharing with you is scientifically proven to work. Trauma therapists use exposure therapy to treat individuals who struggle with anxiety, phobias, and PTSD. In fact, every trauma healing modality out there is a variant of exposure therapy.

What happens during exposure therapy? The individual is exposed to their trigger, but they are first trained to remain in a relaxed state. They are instructed to keep their body relaxed and let the learning happen. They watch the same scenario; sometimes it could be imaginary exposure. They might imagine the same scenario, they might think about the same thing, and let the reactions complete. Let their body go through the process so they can feel those emotions out. That is what you’re doing here. You are unintentionally doing exposure therapy on yourself.

That person is a source of your trauma, so you are re-exposing yourself to your trauma. You are stuck. This is an atypical symptom of trauma I’m talking about—your trauma bonding. Cognitive dissonance is an atypical symptom of trauma as well. So you are completing those trauma responses by gaining reality, by learning more, by extracting more information about them, by seeing their ugliness. So you are creating healing for yourself. You are creating closure.

This is the reason why sometimes going no contact right away may not be the right thing to do for a lot of survivors. I’m really curious to know what you think about this technique, and I want to know if you had to go back to the narcissist again and again to get your closure and to never go back ever again. Share everything in the comments below, and I will talk to you in the next one. Until then, as always, let the healing begin and continue.

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