No contact means not looking at their social media profiles, not talking about them, not talking to them, and not consuming any information related to them. It’s a complete shutdown. But going back can mean looking at different data points to connect the dots and come to a conclusion on your own. An example of that would be letting them initiate a conversation with you and not falling for their trap. They might try to love-bomb you in the beginning. You play along a little bit, and then you just have to watch how their words do not match their actions.
You just have to go, “Tick, tick, nice. Okay, this is exactly what I know about his or her behavior, and they are following the pattern. They’re not doing anything different. They love-bombed me in the beginning, and now that I’m not fully giving in, they are raging at me. And this is murderous rage because they’re trying to punish me for leaving them in the first place, for not giving them what they wanted from me.”
You have to let your emotional understanding meet your cognitive understanding, which, in simple words, means you have to let your heart and mind become one to see them as they are. They are a monster. They are a soulless human being who can never, ever treat you right because they don’t want to.
When re-exposing yourself to the narcissist, you have to act less and observe more. It’s through inaction that you will be able to absorb a lot. You have to let yourself go through a very painful process of realizing the truth that will be revealed to you. Because I can assure you, the narcissist is going to do things they might have done to you before, but this time, while you are in this process, you will see things differently. It will click, and you’ll be like, “Oh, I see. Wow, this time I can understand what you’re trying to do here, how you’re trying to manipulate me, what your gaslighting tactic is, and what you’re trying to get from me.”
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