Now, let’s say it’s your attention. You’re in a conversation, working, or watching something. You’re focused, and someone asks, “Hey, can I ask you something real quick?” You respond politely, “Sure, give me a second.” Then you stay engaged in whatever you’re doing. That is your no delivered through your behavior. Then you watch. If they wait, great. But if they try to talk over you, act offended, or hijack the moment, they’re not reacting to the moment; they’re reacting to the resistance. They’re trying to override your position to secure supply.
Now, let’s say it’s your energy. There are just a few minutes left in a Zoom call, and you’re wrapping it up, and people are saying goodbye. That’s when they drop it: “I mean, not that anyone really cares, but I cried in the bathroom for an hour this morning.” Silence. This isn’t someone asking for support because when someone truly needs care, they don’t wait until the final moment of a meeting when no one has time or energy to help them. But this is a super common narcissistic tactic. They wait until the exit and then drop something heavy to force emotional investment.
So, here’s how you test it. In that moment, you don’t dive in. You don’t reopen the conversation. You just hold the line politely. You can nod or say something nice to them, like, “I’m sorry you’re going through that.” But then you close the meeting as planned. Again, this is about your behavior; it’s about your action ending the meeting. That’s your no—calm, clear, behavioral. You can always check in with them later if it feels right.
But then you watch. If they let it go, the moment ends. If they escalate, drop into pity, double down, or shift into blame, saying something like, “I knew you wouldn’t have time for me now,” they’ve shown you what they’re really after. They’re not after help; they don’t need support. They want to extract. They want to dominate so they can get that emotional supply that they came for.
Just remember this is a test. They’re pressing to see if your behavior will bend. And it’s a game of chicken. So hold your position and watch what happens. If they back off, you’re good. If they push harder, you’ve got your answer.
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