I Thought I Could Change a Narcissist — Here’s How It Destroyed Me
No one talks about the withdrawal. The addiction to the highs and lows.
No one talks about the nights you miss the person who destroyed you — because your brain was chemically conditioned to crave them.
Healing didn’t happen in a straight line.
I doubted myself. I almost went back. I cried, a lot.
But each day, their voice in my head got quieter.
Each day, my own voice grew louder.
Each day, I remembered: I am not here to fix broken people who break me in the process.
What I Know Now (And Wish I Knew Then)
If you are reading this, in the middle of loving someone toxic, let me tell you what I learned the hard way:
- You cannot change a narcissist. Not with love, not with patience, not with your whole being.
- Their brokenness is not your responsibility.
- Healthy love doesn’t feel like suffering.
- The right person will not need constant fixing — they will meet you with care, respect, and consistency.
You don’t have to become a shell of yourself to be loved.
You don’t have to “earn” affection that should be given freely.
My Final Truth
Loving a narcissist didn’t make me weak — it showed me how much I was willing to give.
But leaving a narcissist made me realize I deserve to receive that same love I give to others.
I didn’t change them. I couldn’t.
But walking away?
That’s how I saved myself.
And that’s the most powerful change of all.
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