I Thought I Could Change a Narcissist — Here’s How It Destroyed Me
The cracks came slowly. I wish I could tell you it was one big red flag I ignored — but it was a thousand little red flags I explained away.
One day it was the sarcastic put-downs dressed up as “jokes.”
The next, it was the guilt-tripping when I wanted to see my friends.
Then it was the disappearing acts, followed by fake apologies and “You make me crazy because I love you so much.”
They’d mess up — I’d forgive.
They’d hurt me — I’d justify it.
They’d manipulate — I’d overthink what I could’ve done better.
I confused chaos with passion. I confused manipulation with love.
I confused pain with normal.
And every time I gave another piece of myself, I thought, “this time, they’ll see how much I care… this time, they’ll change.”
Spoiler: they didn’t.
Chapter Three: The Emotional Rollercoaster That Destroyed Me
People don’t talk enough about what it’s like to live inside the storm of a narcissist’s world.
One minute I was their angel, the best thing that ever happened to them — the next, I was “crazy,” “dramatic,” and “too sensitive.”
They’d push me away, then reel me back in.
They’d break me, then blame me for being broken.
And I kept fighting harder, thinking I wasn’t loving enough.
I stopped sleeping. I stopped laughing. I stopped being me.
I became a fixer, a pleaser, a version of myself who was constantly shrinking to fit into their world.
I learned how to cry in silence. How to pretend everything was fine.
How to survive on breadcrumbs of affection… and call it love.
Chapter Four: The Moment I Finally Woke Up
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