While we’re on the subject of projection, remember that when it comes to knowing your audience, especially when dealing with someone on the destructive narcissism spectrum, they’re doing a lot of projecting, and they’re not projecting good stuff, right? People on the destructive narcissism spectrum, like all of us, live in their subconscious, in their shadow, with mountains of unresolved wounding issues, trauma, and so on. And their tendency—one of their maladaptive relating styles, quite frankly—is to project all of that onto their nearest target, right? It’s a very heavy burden for them to carry, even subconsciously.
So they will project. So when they’re calling you this and calling you that and accusing you of doing this and accusing you of doing that and accusing you of being this and doing that some more and being more of that and doing this, that, and the other, understand that they are telling you exactly who and what they are and what they themselves are up to. It’s a confessional. So don’t take any of that personally. Again, know your audience when you’re going into this type of exchange; know who you’re dealing with. And when the projections are coming your way, remember that this is their stuff, not yours. You don’t have to get any of it on you. You can let that stuff hit the floor where it belongs.
Now, I always say that it’s best to limit our exposure once we determine that the individual with whom we’re dealing lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. They’ve shown you that they’re very toxic, very manipulative, and that they approach life through a distorted lens, a distorted perception of reality. Again, they’re lacking in empathy. They’re lacking in conscience. They have a tendency to lie, maybe pathologically, right? Once we’ve established that, that’s what we’re dealing with, regardless of who they are or where they come into our lives, right? Limiting our exposure to folks like this is always going to be our best bet. We’re all aware that this isn’t always entirely possible or entirely possible right away. So what do we do when we have no alternative but to engage with an individual like this? Grey rock.
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