How to Control a Narcissist
While this tactic is not a magic pill and it won’t guarantee they’ll keep doing the behavior you want them to develop, it might nudge them to repeat the act occasionally, maybe two to three times out of ten. So, getting a narcissist to respond the way you want them to involves knowing what they value. Figure out what kind of recognition or validation really matters to them, because not all forms of praise will work. If you can, give them the kind of supply they actually care about, and you might see better results.
Does that sound a bit manipulative? Sure. But honestly, it pales in comparison to the kind of manipulation you’re dealing with in this relationship. Just remember, there’s still the risk that it might not work the same way for a narcissist compared to most people. So, there’s only so much you can do with that strategy.
We’ve talked about rewarding a narcissist, so let’s move on to the idea of punishment. Figuring out what fuels their narcissistic supply is key. Once you know that, it’s easier to see what might throw them off, which is the loss of that boost. So, cutting back on things like attention, admiration, and that sense of perfection can be effective in altering their behavior. When they’re endlessly complaining about something they dislike or disagree with, or how someone has treated them unfairly, don’t engage. By not responding, you shift the spotlight away from them.
Let’s say the narcissist is gaslighting you. If you engage, it’ll only make things worse and escalate the situation. The best move here is to just disengage. Walk away from them. Even if they double down or say something even more hurtful, keep in mind that their goal is to get a reaction out of you, like anger, frustration, or anything similar. They just want proof that they’ve gotten under your skin. This means if you react, you’re basically rewarding their negative behavior and giving them the satisfaction of feeling in control. So, don’t let them win. Stay calm and don’t play into their game.
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