Fourth, remain decisive. One of the primary things the narcissist is trying to do is keep you off your game. It’s not your job to force them to understand; it’s your job to stand firmly for who you are. So when you say, “Here’s the decision I’ve made,” and the narcissist tells you how stupid you are, it’s on them. If you make sense to yourself, then it’s not your responsibility to convince them.
Fifth, act out your assertiveness rather than just talking. For example, if you say, “I plan on doing this with my calendar,” and the narcissist says, “I think that’s a terrible idea,” don’t engage in a verbal battle. Just say, “Nonetheless, that’s the decision I’ve made.” If they complain, that’s on them. Set your boundaries and act accordingly rather than seeking their acceptance, which won’t happen.
Finally, remember: I’m not trying to win. Winning is not the goal; standing up for who you are is. The narcissist thinks poorly of you, and whatever you say or do won’t change that presumption. So maintain your own firmness and good standing within yourself. If they don’t like it, that’s on them.
To close, I find it easy to have a good, clean argument with someone willing to coordinate with me. You say what you say, and I say what I say, and we respect each other. The mark of maturity is managing your emotions and communications cleanly, even when the other person is being immature and off-base. That’s your goal: to stay consistent with good, healthy emotional well-being, recognizing that the narcissist is not healthy. Hold firm to what you know is wise and best; that person does not have to set your pace.
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