I want to ask you a very simple question: Do you ever find yourself getting drawn into non-productive arguments or discussions with a narcissist? It’s kind of like asking the question, “Is rain wet?” or “Does the dog bark?” Well, yeah, of course you find yourself getting drawn into non-productive arguments because that’s what they do.
Let’s keep in mind that these people can be very difficult. They have a one-way street way of thinking, and it’s like, “My way matters.” That’s all we need to know. They don’t care what you think. So when you try to stand up for yourself and say, “I have some needs or feelings that I want to discuss,” they’ll just draw you into a huge argument, intending to pummel you, and it gets you nowhere good.
Now, I want to see if we can take a two-fold approach as we talk about how to argue with a narcissist without getting drawn into a fight. The first element is understanding what’s going on inside of them, so you can gain an advantage in knowing what they’re attempting to do to you during the arguing process. The more knowledge you have about what’s cooking on the inside, the more capable you will be in your responses.
Second, I want to discuss a mindset—it’s not about techniques, but rather a mindset that you should maintain as you try to manage your anger, tension, frustration, and conflict with that narcissist. I hope you’ve grasped that concept.
Now, let’s look at some awarenesses we can have, starting with what’s going on inside that narcissist. The more aware you are, the better you can avoid getting pulled into their game plan. First and foremost, keep in mind that the narcissist is all about being in control. It shouldn’t surprise you that they often use controlling forms of communication, employing a persuasive tone of voice. They tend to be stubborn, closed-minded, and give ultimatums.
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