But let’s dig deeper. The narcissist didn’t leave you because they thought they’d find something better; they left because they believed they were in control. They thought breaking free from you would unlock a life of happiness and fulfillment. However, when reality sets in and their shiny new toy fails to meet their lofty expectations, it’s like a punch to the gut. They come crashing down, faced with the stark contrast between their idealized dream and the disheartening reality.
Imagine, if you will, a child throwing a tantrum. It’s not to say narcissists are like innocent children, but rather it highlights their emotional immaturity. Just as a child might lash out when their toy breaks, a narcissist vents their frustration when things don’t go as planned. In this case, the new supply becomes the unfortunate recipient of their displaced anger. The new partner, often unaware of the narcissist’s destructive patterns, can be left reeling from their erratic behavior.
Of course, it’s important to remember that the new supply isn’t always the innocent party here. They may share toxic traits with the narcissist, perpetuating a cycle of dysfunction. These new individuals might even be aware of your previous relationship with the narcissist, knowing full well how they’ve treated you. In such cases, both parties may feed into the negativity, creating a toxic environment that fuels mutual dysfunction.
And it doesn’t stop with romantic entanglements—this behavior extends to friendships and family dynamics too. Consider a narcissistic friend: if they sever ties with you, they might quickly find a new group of friends, only to experience the same cycle of excitement followed by disenchantment. It’s the same pattern; at first, the new relationships feel exhilarating, but soon enough they realize the lack of loyalty, depth, and genuine care that you provided.
The emotional crash is inevitable for the narcissist. Losing someone they consider a chosen one or empath can be devastating. It forces them to confront the emptiness of their new connections, often triggering a deep sense of disillusionment. It’s a reality check, one they didn’t anticipate, and it’s painful to experience.
If you were a fly on the wall, you’d witness the internal conflict and frustrations that bubble to the surface, manifesting as anger or bitterness—often spilling into public settings like work. Now, a narcissist doesn’t typically apologize or admit their flaws; they’re not wired to be accountable in that way. Instead, they might engage in hoovering—a manipulative tactic designed to test the waters and see if they can reel you back in. It may start with innocuous questions or comments, but the goal is the same: to regain control and validate their worth at your expense. Occasionally, a narcissist may genuinely attempt to reconnect—perhaps even offering an apology or a plea for sympathy. But don’t be fooled; this is rare and is usually just another form of manipulation aimed at getting what they want: control over you.
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