How Narcissist Turns Everyday Conversations Into Battles

Craig Malin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, explains that narcissists use deflection to protect their fragile egos. Taking accountability feels like a personal attack to them, so they redirect the blame onto you to regain control of the conversation. Deflection is the narcissist’s favorite escape hatch. The moment you bring up a valid concern, they flip the script. Instead of taking responsibility, they suddenly remind you of something you did wrong six months ago.

Now, instead of addressing their actions, you’re stuck defending yourself. Over time, this turns every discussion into a battlefield where you’re always on the defensive. Les Carter, a psychologist specializing in narcissistic abuse, calls this “conflict hijacking,” where a narcissist derails discussions so they never have to take responsibility.

But here’s the hard truth: If every conversation about their behavior somehow turns into an attack on you, you’re not in a healthy discussion; you’re in a psychological chess match where they refuse to lose.

3. Blameshifting

Craig Malin warns that narcissists rely on blameshifting to keep control. No matter what the issue is, the narcissist finds a way to make it your fault. You catch them lying, and suddenly they’re mad at you for snooping. Instead of taking responsibility, they twist the situation until you’re the one feeling guilty.

Narcissists can’t stand being wrong, so rather than owning up to their actions, they rewrite reality to make you the villain. Over time, this makes every conversation feel like a battle you can’t win. No matter how carefully you choose your words, they find a way to turn things against you.

But here’s the truth: Healthy people own their mistakes; they don’t rewrite history to avoid them.