What if I told you that you can be a criminal in someone’s eyes for relaxing? For survivors of narcissist, this is a very real and painful experience. When you’ve been trained to always be moving, fixing, or pleasing, taking a break can feel like breaking a rule. Let’s unpack the nine ways narcissist makes you feel guilty for relaxing.
Are you ready for number one? Constantly feeling on call. When you’ve been around a narcissist long enough, your nervous system starts to believe that being on call is your job. Even when you’re supposed to be off the clock, you might sit down to watch a show, sip some coffee, or just breathe for a second, and the guilt suddenly shows up uninvited. It whispers, “You should be doing something. What if they need you?” This feeling of being on call is a trauma response; it’s the result of being conditioned to anticipate someone else’s moods, tantrums, and manipulations 24/7. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic abuse, explains this beautifully. Narcissists often create a dynamic where their needs are always urgent, always priority one. This trains the other person to believe their own needs don’t matter. So even when you finally take a moment for yourself, your brain panics like it’s breaking some unspoken rule. That’s why relaxing feels risky. You were trained to believe that if you’re not immediately responsive, something bad will happen or, worse, you’ll be blamed.
But here’s the truth bomb: you’re not a customer service hotline for someone else’s emotional chaos. You’re allowed to rest, recharge, and have peace without explaining or apologizing. You’re not neglecting anyone; you’re recovering from years of being treated like a convenience store that’s always open.
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