10. Becoming a people pleaser in the workplace: When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself bending over backward at work just to keep the peace. You take on extra tasks, avoid saying no, and let things slide even when someone crosses a line, because conflict feels dangerous. Dr. Nina W. Brown, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed, explains that survivors of narcissistic abuse often develop excessive agreeableness to avoid confrontation, fearing that standing up for themselves will lead to backlash. You may not even realize it, but your instinct to overwork and stay quiet is a survival mechanism you picked up from dealing with unpredictable people.
The problem is that constantly putting others’ needs before your own comes at a cost: burnout, resentment, and self-doubt start creeping in, and you might even wonder if you’re being taken advantage of. Remember this: setting boundaries won’t make you a bad employee; it will make you a healthier one. You deserve to be respected at work, not just tolerated because you’re easy to manage.
Healing from narcissistic abuse starts with recognizing the silent ways it affects you. Once you see these patterns, you can start unlearning them. Be kind to yourself, set boundaries, and remember that your feelings matter. The more you break free from these traps, the less power they will have over you, until one day you realize their voice is gone, and you are finally free to define yourself on your own terms.
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