8. Fear of abandonment: The fear of being abandoned can feel like a constant shadow. You’ve learned that love comes with conditions: one wrong move, one bad day, and suddenly someone you care about might leave. This makes relationships exhausting because you either cling out of fear of losing someone or push them away first to avoid rejection. Psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, in Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that people who grow up with emotionally unavailable caregivers often develop an intense fear of abandonment, making them hyper-aware of any sign that someone might pull away.
The problem is that this fear makes relationships harder. If you cling too tightly, people may feel suffocated; if you push them away, you create the very loneliness you’re trying to avoid. Trauma expert Dr. Peter Levine, in Waking the Tiger, says that healing starts with recognizing that not everyone will abandon you just because someone did in the past. Safe, healthy relationships are built on trust, not fear. The key is to remind yourself that you don’t have to earn love or constantly prove your worth to keep people in your life; the right ones will stay not because you beg them to, but because they want to.
9. Feeling like your emotions are a burden: Did someone make you feel like your feelings were too much or always a problem? If so, it’s not because your emotions are wrong; it’s because you were conditioned to believe they were. Narcissistic abuse teaches you that expressing feelings leads to rejection, mockery, or guilt-tripping. Over time, you start suppressing emotions, convincing yourself that staying silent is safer. You might also find yourself apologizing for being upset, downplaying your pain, or feeling guilty for needing support, because that’s what you had to do to survive.
But here’s the truth: your emotions are not an inconvenience; they are human. As Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, puts it, people who dismiss your feelings are often uncomfortable with their own. Just because someone couldn’t handle your emotions doesn’t mean they are too much. The first step to unlearning this belief is allowing yourself to feel without judgment. Write down your emotions, talk to a trusted friend, or simply remind yourself, “I have a right to feel this way.” The more you validate your own emotions, the less power those old fears will have over you.
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