8. Fear of abandonment: The fear of being abandoned can feel like a constant shadow. You’ve learned that love comes with conditions: one wrong move, one bad day, and suddenly someone you care about might leave. This makes relationships exhausting because you either cling out of fear of losing someone or push them away first to avoid rejection. Psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, in Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that people who grow up with emotionally unavailable caregivers often develop an intense fear of abandonment, making them hyper-aware of any sign that someone might pull away.
The problem is that this fear makes relationships harder. If you cling too tightly, people may feel suffocated; if you push them away, you create the very loneliness you’re trying to avoid. Trauma expert Dr. Peter Levine, in Waking the Tiger, says that healing starts with recognizing that not everyone will abandon you just because someone did in the past. Safe, healthy relationships are built on trust, not fear. The key is to remind yourself that you don’t have to earn love or constantly prove your worth to keep people in your life; the right ones will stay not because you beg them to, but because they want to.
9. Feeling like your emotions are a burden: Did someone make you feel like your feelings were too much or always a problem? If so, it’s not because your emotions are wrong; it’s because you were conditioned to believe they were. Narcissistic abuse teaches you that expressing feelings leads to rejection, mockery, or guilt-tripping. Over time, you start suppressing emotions, convincing yourself that staying silent is yourself, not because you’re incapable, but because every past decision was met with criticism, blame, or manipulation. Narcissistic abuse teaches you that your decisions aren’t your own; every choice has to be double-checked or justified. Over time, this conditioning makes you hesitate, second-guess, and overanalyze everything. Dr. Pete Walker, author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, explains that survivors of emotional abuse often develop a fawn response, where they defer to others to avoid conflict. You might find yourself constantly asking others, “What do you think?” instead of trusting your own judgment.
Listen closely: you don’t need permission to trust yourself again. Start by making tiny, low-stakes decisions without overthinking, like what to eat, what music to play, or what to wear. Then build up to bigger choices. The fear won’t disappear overnight, but with practice, it will shrink. You’ve spent enough time doubting yourself; now it’s time to take your power back one decision at a time.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment