6. Feeling anxious when your phone rings: If your heart jumps every time your phone buzzes, it’s not just you being overly sensitive; it’s a trauma response. When you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, messages were often a source of stress, not connection. Maybe you were used to receiving sudden angry texts, guilt trips, or mind games that made you question reality. According to Dr. Leslie Vernick, author of The Emotionally Destructive Relationship, narcissists use communication as a tool of control, making their victims feel like they must always be on guard. So now, even a harmless notification can trigger that old fear, making you brace for impact before even reading the message.
This kind of anxiety doesn’t just go away overnight; your nervous system has been trained to associate phone calls and texts with danger, so it reacts before you even have time to think. Trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in The Body Keeps the Score, explains that the body remembers past threats and reacts accordingly, even when the present situation is safe. The good news is that you can retrain your brain. Start by reminding yourself that not every message is a trap. Pause, breathe, and take control. Your phone doesn’t own you, and neither do the memories attached to it.
7. Overanalyzing people’s words and actions: Conversations stop being simple exchanges and start feeling like puzzles you have to solve. You find yourself replaying what someone said, analyzing their tone, their facial expressions, and even the exact words they used. This habit comes from always being on high alert and trying to anticipate the narcissist’s next move. Dr. Nina W. Brown, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed, explains that narcissists create an unpredictable environment where their victims learn to read between the lines to avoid conflict. Over time, this hypervigilance becomes second nature, even when you’re talking to people who aren’t a threat.
The problem is that most people aren’t speaking in riddles or planning some emotional ambush, but your brain, conditioned by past experiences, still assumes danger is lurking beneath the surface. The key to breaking this cycle is to remind yourself that not everything needs to be decoded. If someone is upset, they’ll likely tell you; you don’t have to read minds. You just have to trust that safe people communicate honestly.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment