Have you ever asked yourself why narcissists get married? It’s a question that perplexes many, especially those who have been trapped in a narcissist’s web. The truth is, narcissists don’t marry for love, connection, or genuine partnership. They marry for control, power, and the benefits of having a permanent supply. For them, a spouse isn’t a cherished equal but a carefully selected target—someone to exploit for their own gain.
Today, we’re discussing the differences between why regular people get married and why narcissists get married. We’ll explore some of the reasons these people tie the knot. As I mentioned, narcissists do not get married for the same reasons normal people would. Their motivations are entirely different.
Ownership and Possession
The first reason is that narcissists view marriage as ownership and possession. To them, marriage is less about unity and partnership and more about acquiring control over another person. They see their spouse not as an equal but as a prized possession—something to flaunt, control, and manipulate to suit their needs.
This sense of ownership can manifest in countless ways, from dictating how their partner dresses or spends their time to undermining their independence and self-worth. For narcissists, the marriage license isn’t a symbol of love or commitment; it’s a document that reinforces their perceived entitlement to dominate every aspect of their partner’s life.
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A Convenient Scapegoat
Narcissists also get married to have a scapegoat for their failures. Accountability is a foreign concept to them—they believe they can do no wrong. If something goes wrong, someone else must take the blame. Marriage provides the perfect scapegoat for their failures, shortcomings, or bad decisions.
They twist reality to shift responsibility onto their spouse, painting them as incompetent, unsupportive, or even sabotaging. This dynamic absolves the narcissist of guilt while reinforcing their sense of superiority. Over time, the spouse’s self-esteem erodes, leaving them questioning their worth and striving to avoid “failing” the narcissist.
A Lifetime of Servitude
To a narcissist, marriage is like a lifetime contract for servitude. They expect their spouse to act as a one-person support system, catering to their every whim. Gratitude or reciprocation? Those concepts are foreign to a narcissist. They see themselves as royalty, deserving unquestioning devotion.
This dynamic can be dehumanizing for the spouse, as the narcissist’s endless demands leave no room for individuality, needs, or aspirations.
The Perfect Public Facade
Narcissists are masterful performers, and marriage is their ultimate PR stunt. It helps them create an illusion of perfection that masks their true nature. Smiling family photos, social media posts, and public appearances are carefully calculated to project a phony image of success and stability
Behind closed doors, however, the story is often one of control, emotional abuse, and manipulation. The spouse becomes part of the narcissist’s charade, embodying the role of a perfect companion while the narcissist basks in admiration.
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Emotional Domination
Marriage also provides narcissists with a stage for emotional domination. The intimacy of marriage grants them access to their spouse’s deepest fears and insecurities, which they weaponize for control. Arguments are not resolved but used as battlegrounds to establish dominance, often leaving scars that erode self-worth.
Financial Gain and Control
For narcissists, marriage can be a gateway to financial exploitation. They often view their spouse as a financial asset, an ATM to fund their lifestyle. By dominating shared finances, they create a dynamic where their partner feels financially trapped and powerless.
The Ultimate Power Play
Finally, marriage is the ultimate power play for a narcissist. It gives them a level of control that is difficult for their partner to escape. The societal and legal weight of marriage binds victims in ways that can feel insurmountable.
Divorce becomes a drawn-out battle they use to further torment their partner. Even after the relationship ends, they may maintain control through legal disputes, shared assets, or custody battles.
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